The Last Few Moments Before She Knew They Faded
by Strange Bint
Summary: Summary: Buffy is living a pretty cool live in Rome. She's dating the coolest guy in the world David aka The Immortal. She even thinks it's great Faith has come to visit. Then she gets the awful news about Angel and his gang. Before she has time to make s
1. Default Chapter

A/N:_Summary: Buffy's thoughts in Romeand about some people in her life. __Relationships: Buffy/Immortal, Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Angel, Buffy&Faith._

_Other fics coming soon._

The Last Few Moments Before She Knew They Faded

She saw her room. Butterflies on the wall, sunshine coming in the windows. Time to be school-Buffy. Vamps can't come out to play. Mom will come in soon_. "Come on, Buffy. Get up. The early bird gets the worm. Well, I guess that's not much incentive, is it? The early girl gets the pancake is better."_

An empty unpoppable bubble filled her chest. She really didn't want to get out of bed. She realized life couldn't be fixed by pancakes long ago. Buffy all grown. Mom gone. Mom gone.

Funny, Buffy thought she would be a cooler grown-up. She rolled over and opened her eyes and saw her lover's tan muscular back. She looked at the blank stone walls of her new awesome place. Buffy smiled. Okay, she was a pretty cool grown-up. She just thought she'd be a happier one. No, that wasn't it. More settled. Weren't grown-ups supposed to feel settled? That was a long way away, if ever, and probably not with this guy. She frowned. Better not need a guy to feel settled or you would probably feel sea sick all your life. Mom didn't need a guy. Though, she had started dating that guy right before…

Buffy reached out and gently touched her boyfriend's ear. Then she clasped the silver-ringed ear-ring between her fingers. He shouldn't sleep with this in. He could get an infection; even if he was immortal he wasn't a vampire. He still had a living, breathing, sexy, sweaty, hot hot heart beating body that could get infections, right? He reached up and smacked her hand as she tried to take the earring out. She laughed.

"I believe there are laws against stealing other people's jewelry while they sleep. Even if they lay in your own bed," he grumbled good naturedly.

"Are you sure there are laws like that in this country? I've been driving with you and it seems like you pretty much can do whatever you want," she sighed cheerily, as she rolled him over and lay on his chest.

"This country is the pinnacle of sophistication, Amore. Empires, treaties, and doctrines came to be and crumpled while your America was still a swamp land," he said as he kissed the top of her head.

Dawn was right. If the sun hit his eyes just right they were the color of Christmas.

"Yeah, yeah. We've all seen that gladiator movie that won all the awards. They also used to feed people to lions, so much for your pinnacle," she rolled her eyes.

"The lion is an extremely sophisticated animal. It watches and waits until it gets its prey. Do you know, Amore for centuries scholars thought it was the lion that caught the finest prey? Not true, but they are the ones that enjoy it. The lion was just waiting to take the meat at its best time, while the fool cheetah did all the work and had to handle all the unpleasant killing and pain," he scrunched up his face in that I-find-this-unseemly way.

"It sounds like the lion is a lazy jerk. I thought it was the lioness that did all the killing," she said.

"That is true too," he said.

"Typical, at least the hunt can be fun," Buffy sighed.

"Is this not fun, Amore? Do you wish to have more to kill? I can arrange it," he said.

He unscrunched his face to reveal those rich green eyes. Hot. Totally hot. His eyes had a clearness about them. They weren't all filled with pain and asking. He was the only person that never asked anything of her or took anything that she didn't want to fully give. It was okay that she didn't love him completely, that she wasn't sure. There were no painful long looks or mixed lectures about how he wanted her so much, but this wasn't a fairytale. No sighs that hinted she didn't love him enough. There were no snappy insults about all the pain and suffering she had put him through.

"No, no," she sighed happily, "This total lack of kill is fine by me, and fun is always at a record high with you."

She lowered her head to kiss him again. Yes, fun, that was what she wanted to do now, after all the hard work of world saving and growing up. There seemed to be time now. Oh yeah, there were a few things to worry about—it wasn't as if running an army of Slayers was a picnic. But, with this being the biggest gathering of Slayers here in Rome, it was surprising how much less there was to worry about. They were all good Slayers, the one hundred and forty one of them. Buffy was so grateful there was no big bad bitch in the bunch.

Well, actually there were one hundred and forty three Slayers now, but that was only temporary. It was easy to forget about Kennedy and Faith because they weren't in The Slayer School, and besides they weren't staying. Willow was accepted at Oxford and Kennedy would surely go with her, and Faith, well Faith wasn't staying. Buffy didn't even know why she was here. She suspected that things had fallen apart between Faith and Robin Wood, and that was why she showed up. Or maybe Kennedy told her she was coming and Faith decided to visit as well. Kennedy made it no secret which original Slayer she preferred. That was okay; she was still helpful. Kennedy had taken over some of the training classes that Buffy found boring to teach. Kennedy was also encouraging Faith to do the same thing. She rejected the idea in her Faith-like way:

_"No thanks. Those who can't do teach, and I am a doer. I don't want to wake-up one day and find that I turned into some A-hole Watcher stabbing my girls in the back."_

Buffy wanted to remind Faith that Buffy was a teacher and she was also a doer, and that Faith's Watcher only stabbed her in the back because she had stabbed first—literally.

Well, Faith didn't literally stab Wesley first, she stabbed someone else, but she did eventually stab him too, right? Not that Buffy thought that Wesley was so great, but didn't Faith think he was so great now? The way Buffy heard it Faith and Wesley were like best friends who decided it would be great fun to play around with Angel's mind and soul. Not that they did it without Angel saying it was okay, but Buffy didn't know where Angel's head was at when it was doing its decision making anyway. But, it was all very confusing, so that was why Buffy decided to keep her mouth shut when Faith professed her dislike of teaching.

So, one hundred and forty three Slayers and not one big bad bitch among them, at least not too big or bad anymore anyway. So, that left time for the fun that Buffy had always wanted.

"Yes, fun," her lover said, "That is what you needed to find."

Buffy looked down at her new dark haired round eyed boy, and frowned.

"You sound like Faith," Buffy said.

He put a pillow over his face and groaned into it, that wasn't the first time she had seen him do that but not when it had anything to do with Faith.

Buffy felt her forehead knot-up.

"Ever since the other chosen one has come to town all you've done is fret!" he peaked out from the pillow and slid it back over his face.

"What?" she felt her lower lip jut out, "I have not fretted. Fretting is not something I do anymore. Actually, I've never fretted. That's something that women did in the civil war in their big hoop dresses; I think it went out with fainting."

"I don't know why you worry about the other chosen one; it's apparent that she admires you. Maneuver the situation with her correctly and she can be a valuable asset," he said.

"And I am definitely not about to faint that you are sticking up for a pretty girl with big---Trust me, she does not admire me!" Buffy snorted, "What are you talking about? Maneuver? Asset? She's not a chest piece. I mean a chess piece."

"Someone here is interested in the other chosen one's breasts," he laughed.

His perfect white teeth shined in the morning rays. Buffy wondered how often she had been with a guy in direct sunlight

"Would you stop calling her--- You are interested in her--- Oh. Oh! Ew! You wish," she shrieked.

"It is very natural, these feelings. You are connected, some may say, from the same bosom," he laughed.

Great. Just what she deserved, someone like her that was good with puns. She put the pillow back over his face tightly as he laughed. He reached up and grabbed her wrists and flipped her over gently but firmly. He didn't do it like a human boy would, not like Riley. Riley. There was someone she hadn't thought of in ages. But, her new boy was like Riley in that she really had no idea what he was physically capable of. (Well, she didn't know what he was physically capable of in a fighting way.) But, this wasn't fighting this was lover's play. Still, she could tell by the way he handled her that he wasn't human, or really, more than human. He didn't handle her like Angel. For all the touching that her and Angel did they never rough-housed. Angel is such a gentleman; he might still be. Her new boyfriend handled her like--- He handled her like Spike.

"Amore, I'm joking. Don't be angry. I think the other—I think she is garish, and not too bright, and any more than a mouthful is a waste," he said seriously.

"A mouthful of wha--- Oh," she sighed and rolled her eyes.

For some reason she found she was frowning at other things in that sentence. It wasn't because she wasn't sure what garish meant, it meant tacky. He called Faith tacky, and that was accurate and maybe even not a bad thing. But, what was that other thing he said about her? He often said a lot to keep her reeling, but there was nothing he said that should ever piss her off. He was no Spike. He never said the slightest thing to hurt her feelings. The stuff he said in bed—Wow: She was a goddess, beauty in carnet, everything he was always looking for, the woman that every poet has written about or singer has sung about.

Spike would say stuff like that too, but then he'd always put a twist on it. Sure she was what every singer sung about with Spike but that included Eminem and Sid Vicious. Spike had some kind of Madonna-Whore-Squish-Together-Complex, this guy didn't have. Nope, nobody had talked a better game than this guy

This guy could talk about not being worthy of fucking her, but he never lost a step in acting like he was worthy of it. Angel really acted like he wasn't worthy and that was well…too much, too many feelings. She wanted to prove to him that he was worthy or something, while he did nothing because he was so sure he wasn't. Wasn't that all ass-backwards? At least this guy went to all the trouble of getting her.

Buffy knew Angel had gone through Hell to get her, literally. Too bad he wasn't interested in doing that to keep her. She wished she didn't have to think of Angel any more or at least think the things she was thinking about him. That was why this guy was better. She didn't have to think. Buffy was pretty sure he meant the things he said, at least when he was saying them. That was the thing about Angel; he would always mean the things he said, even if he was never going to say them again. Even if he had turned into some morally ambiguous corporate guy and Spike was his, his whatever. Spike. Spike always meant the things he said—all of them, and he'd keep saying them. How the hell a person could say so much and mean all of it, Buffy would never know.

Spike didn't like Angel. Angel didn't like Spike. Spike and Angel were working together in some weird way. This was like one of those trick logic questions on the SAT. What the fuck? Were they doing this just to piss her off? To wait to see how long it took her to go out there?

Well, she wasn't going there. She was finally done with drama and guys together. She kept them in two separate rooms, or two separate countries. Andrew said that both Angel and Spike had shown up looking for her—together. She was pretty sure the little twerp was kidding. He thought he knew her well enough to joke with her like that.

It would be just like Andrew to try to become buddy-buddy with her after doing that mission that involved both Spike and Angel. He was wrong. Buffy was glad to be through with all that. That was why she sent Andrew to deal with Angel rather than Xander. Life was much easier now, or complex in an easy way. If she went there they'd probably want her to choose one of them to live with forever and ever or until she started to look too mom-like and it creeped them out. So, she wasn't going there because if she went now she'd want both. Not both! Neither---the answer was neither. And they would just have to deal with that as they sold stocks and bonds and killed evil demon lawyers or made deals with them or whatever.

"You think about them all the time, don't you?" her new guy asked.

He actually had been kissing her when she had sunk back into the white cloudy goodness of the new Laura Ashley comforter just to stare over and out the window to all the clean stone white buildings with brown roofs.

"I—I don't think about them that much. It's just—,"Buffy felt her face flush.

"It's just that you are a protective mother hen with all of them. The first time I saw you I thought you looked like a sweet Madonna, if the Madonna ever wore leg warmers," he said.

"I think she did. Those leg warmers are a little too eighties, aren't they? Oh, you don't mean that Madonna, do you? You're saying I think about the other Slayers all the time. I guess I do."

"Sweet virgin mother," he said and kissed her.

"Bleh!" she said and wiggled away, "Note to self, Italian guys have a creepy Catholic thing. I'm not a virgin!"

"And for this I thank God, but they are all your children. You gave birth to all of them, no?" he asked.

Sometimes the vaguest hint of Italian accent would come out, even though he spoke something like fifteen languages perfectly.

"No!" Buffy felt her nose scrunch up, "Look, there was a line. I was just one in the line is all. I'm not their mother. Willow just made it so all of the girls that were Potential Slayers in the line became Slayers. So, if anything Willow is their mother. Let me explain—"

"You're sister, and the English man they already explained. When they came to my office to ask for the funding. They brought charts. It was all very boring. This isn't what caused me to donate to your cause. It was you. You're beauty, you're will, you're story…"

"My refusal. I think I was the only girl to ever say 'no.' to you with the way you wore me down. You couldn't handle it," she laughed.

"You were the only one of them I really wanted. I knew you were a creature that like to be chased. I didn't care if I had to get my whole corporation to work on it; I wasn't going to let you go without a fight," he said.

Buffy knew that she was looking past the hotness that was him and out her sky-light again. Beautiful creature, corporation and fight were the words that stuck in her head.

"One-hundred and forty-four," Buffy said to the blue-sky.

"It was about that many days, yes. I think saving you from the Gormongast is what did it. He was a decent ally, too bad he also liked to use the sweat shop workers for clothing and food. You realize, I knew nothing of this before, Amore," he said.

"No, there are one hundred and forty-four Slayers here. I always forget the one that we took from Angel. The one that cut-up Spike," Buffy whispered, "Some Mother. I never even laid eyes on her. I tried to go last week. You know who was there?"

"The psychiatrist that I referred to you?"

"No, well yes, but Faith was there too. They were fighting. I know I should have stopped it but, they were talking too. Something about peace," she said.

"The other chosen one and the doctor were arguing about peace?" he asked.

"No, Faith and the crazy Slayer. Maybe I should talk to her. I wouldn't really know what to say. I don't talk crazy. I didn't know she talked any kind of sense," Buffy said.

"I didn't know either. When ever I hear her talk she seems to be swearing or saying something equally boring as if we all haven't been in some kind of coma or jail," he said coyly.

"Not Faith, you dope," she smacked him; "I still can't believe what she did to Spike. I still can't believe Angel wanted to keep her. I still can't believe Spike is with Angel. I still can't believe Angel wanted to keep Spike. You're sure his hands are back on, right?"

"You had to know that the vampire wouldn't want to give the sick Slayer over to you without a fight, or you wouldn't have sent those other Slayers with Andrew," he said.

"I just can't believe Angel would put her in a room where she wouldn't be able to feel anything. I know you had reliable sources but--" Buffy said quietly.

"I know that's what they do to sick people at Wolfram and Hart," he said.

"Still that doesn't mean that Angel would do that to her," she said.

"I received reports that he did in fact send someone---"he began.

"Okay, what did I say about that? Don't wanna know. How exactly do you get these reports?" she said.

"Oh, if it's him you don't want to know, and if it's me you must?" he said gently.

Gently enough to not sound like Spike at all.

"No, I trust you. A lot more than I trust a lot of other CEOs anyway," she said.

"And you're wise to do so. You aren't one to make the same mistake twice," he said.

"No, never," Buffy said.

She just made a whole bunch of different ones all the time. Oh boy, she couldn't wait to see which one she made next. Hopefully, there would be no more dying involved. It would probably be something with a guy, this guy.

Buffy heard her phone ring. She only had a cell now. It was playing "London Calling," so that meant it was Giles. Yes, she was all hip with the ring tones now. She went on the internet and found the perfect song for Giles. She endured teasing from Faith for not knowing who "The Clash" was. Faith said Buffy didn't use Spike for all she could have because Faith was sure that was something the boy could have taught her. Buffy had responded by telling Faith that Spike wasn't a boy, he was a Champion and she didn't need to use guys to teach her things, and besides, wasn't The Clash like a million years old, like Giles music? She thought she responded to that really well.


	2. Untouchable Face

_Summary: Buffy deals with her Sunday morning getting interrupted. This is a Buffy-Centric fic. It's all from her POV. (Spuffy angst, Giles & Buffy fluff, Buffy & Faith, Faith & Spike)Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Immortal_

_The song Faith sings in Eminem's "Without me." The title of this fic comes from the Ani Difranco song "Untouchable Face."_

_Author notes: This one probably won't turn out how you expect. There is actually no Spike/Faith skin on skin in this fic! I want to dedicate this to Phillip, whose email made this fic happen, or keep happening._

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"You know I really don't look forward to seeing you again. You look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away and I won't know what to do and I won't know what to say except f--- you... So f--- you and your untouchable face f--- you for existing in the first place and who am I? That I should be vying for your touch. Who am I? I bet you can't even tell me that much." --- Ani Difranco

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Part II- Untouchable face

"Hi, Giles, you wanted to invite me over for pancakes, right?" Buffy said into her little red phone.

"I'm afraid there's been some bad news, Buffy," he said.

"The pancakes burned? Oh man, and you just had to call and tell me to ruin my Sunday, right?"

"Yes, because that is what I live for, Buffy. How could I possibly have or want any Sunday plans of my own? So, I just ruin yours as you wile them away with slick Italian lovers that have too many piercings," he said.

"He doesn't have too many piercings. He just has the ears. You make him sound like one of those freaks that has a spike through everything. He doesn't even have a tattoo. He's like the second most conservative guy I dated, and besides he gave us a chunk load of change."

"The title of second-most-conservative doesn't say much in your lot."

"Just do me a favor and don't even attempt to kill this one. He has really big body guards and there are like entire demon races that have hated each other for eternity but they all would join up to help him," she said.

Buffy smiled. She knew the news couldn't be that bad if Giles was being cranky. She loved the fact that she had Giles back. It was almost worth, well, it was almost worth everything that happened.

"Yes, well, it's easy to help one that only stands by and only intervenes idly," Giles sighed.

"Giles," Buffy sighed back, "Did it ever occur to you that with my track record of crucial interveners that I could use an idle intervener in my life? Besides, I'm not going to marry the guy."

"If you did you'd be the fifth," Giles informed her.

"This is about Mount Everest, isn't it? You're still jealous because when you tried it there was that whole avalanche-rescue drama."

"It was not a drama or a rescue. I got myself out...by calling for help," Giles insisted.

"You know, you could try again on a less snowy day. I could come, or not. I'm not really into camping on a big slanty hill."

"Buffy, I do actually have something to tell you that is unpleasant, as much as my misadventure with Mount Everest seems to be a source of joy for you."

"Which is?"

"I think Faith is having a little trouble. She seems to be fighting everything in the city," Giles said.

"She's just trying too prove herself, Giles," Buffy sighed, "Let her be destructo-girl for a while. What harm could it do?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you," Giles said "She has begun to act rather rashly. There's a woman fitting her description that has appeared drunk and surly picking fights at the most dangerous bars, both human and demon, in town."

"Well, maybe it's not her. I mean it could be any wo—"

"An attractive American woman with a tattoo," he said

"Well, it could be Angelina Jolie, really upset that Brad is going back the Jen—Okay, it's her. You didn't even have to tell me about the American woman tattoo part. So, I'll go get her."

"That's up to you, "Giles sighed, "I just thought you'd want to know."

"Gotta go!" Buffy called cheerfully to her guy as she zipped up her black short boots, "Feel free to stay as long as you like. This could take a while."

"'This' meaning you are going to collect that loud drunken cow of a Slayer. Why not let her get herself out of trouble?"

"Oh, you know the girl scout motto: One for all and all for—Wait that's someone else. Girl scouts talks about how old friends are gold or silver or something," Buffy said as she reached for her coat.

"More like an albatross around your neck," he whispered to her.

Suddenly, he was there all young-Daniel Day Lewis-but-Italian-like helping her put on her coat.

"Okay, maybe she's albatrossy…an albatross is like a big heavy necklace that weighs on you, right? Anyway, she's not a loud co—"

"Oh, fuck off! You know what your problem is? You're stupid! You're all fucking stupid. Stop trying to touch me. Nobody can touch me. I'm not falling over, and why the fuck are you whispering? Oh right, you're a pussy. Oh no you fucking don't! You are not going to disappear on me now, Liz! Liz? Fuck!…B! Open the door! B!"

It was Faith, outside the door yelling and pounding. Buffy opened the door and Faith fell in to her apartment. Right away she came with a smell that didn't belong there. It was a smoky and bloody and alcohol ridden smell.

"Faith," Buffy grabbed her by what ever she could to keep her from falling over.

Luckily she managed to catch her denim sleeved wrists and not her tight black tank top.

Buffy caught her wrists and tilted the girl up. She looked awful. She had dried blood on her face and Buffy wasn't sure if it was hers or not. Her make up had slid down her face into that raccoon look, and her hair looked like it had been in a wind tunnel.

"Faith you're all bloody. You've been fighting and your drunk and what is with your hair?" Buffy said.

Buffy knew that Giles had told her all of this already, but it was another thing to see it. Okay, it wasn't that she was surprised Faith had done something stupid, or that Faith was fighting or drunk. It was just, why was she here?

"It's fucked. The whole thing. I shoulda went down there the minute that Gunn wrote me. 'Good news' my ass! Now Liz is here, but not really. Now he's gone again. He was supposed to help me with this. What a great time to punk out, Liz." she said all of this in shallow breaths and then she laughed.

Buffy had never seen a person this drunk. This was beyond Mom or Giles or Willow feeling sorry for themselves drunk. This was wobbling slurring words drunk. People who were this drunk were the ones you pushed or threw out of the way when you were dancing or dusting vamps in clubs. Buffy really really wanted to push Faith out of the way, but instead she put her arm around her waist and led her to the sofa.

"What happened, Faith?" Buffy asked gently, "What did you do?"

"I got a little out of control," she said and pointed to the inside of her arm where there was a small but deep slash, "Tried to cut myself and he told me not to. He told me if I was any kind of a fighter I'd turn my anger out to the big bads. So, I did."

"David, get the first aid kit," Buffy told her new man and then turned back to Faith, "Someone told you to start a bunch of drunken fights? Who? Why?"

David went to get the first aid kit with an audible sigh. Buffy didn't like this much either. She had to sober Faith up and find out what was going on.

"Liz told me. Well, first he drank with me and then he told me to _turn all my grief into anger and then find something to bloody hit,_" Faith suddenly started talking in an English accent and laughing manically.

"If I fall asleep and Liz comes back say 'thanks' for me," she said as she opened her eyes wide after closing them.

"She's really drunk," Buffy shrugged apologetically to her new guy who now stood before her with the first aid kit with a fixed annoyed face.

"Really, I wouldn't have known," he said dully.

"Oh, Guido is here," Faith snorted as she looked up at David, "Haven't you kicked him to the curb yet? Do it before he does you, B. Wait 'till Liz tells you how they've shared every girl."

"Liz the girl who told you to start fights with people and got you wasted? Who is this Liz? She's not a new Slayer, is she? Faith, please tell me you didn't take a new Slayer out for a night of drinking and bar brawling," Buffy demanded.

She was so wasted she couldn't keep her pronouns straight. Faith started laughing as if Buffy had just purposely told a joke. Then Buffy realized at some point the laughing turned to crying. Buffy stiffened. She felt her heart beating fast. Something was wrong. Faith didn't cry.

"Faith," Buffy said slowly as she even reached out more slowly to touch the girl.

She thought Faith might start swinging or trying to claw out her eyeballs if Buffy touched her. No, she knew that was a distinct possibility. But, Faith only kept crying in her hands. Her hair, a dark mane streaked with caramel now hiding her entire face. Buffy really had to remember to tell her that her highlights were pretty.

"Faith, whatever you've done, it's okay," Buffy said softly, "I'll help you. You did the right thing by coming here. Now please let me help you this time. Tell me what happened."

"It's too late. It's too late, B. I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. I fucked up. I shoulda known they were in trouble. I shouldn't a' waited for them to come tell me like last time. Now we got nothin'," she said.

"Who Faith? Who? Liz? Is Liz a Slayer?"

A million things were going through Buffy's mind. If Faith and this Liz had killed someone again Buffy could now get David (AKA Mister Immortal) to cover it up. Not that Buffy wanted them to have no consequences. She had a feeling that there now would be three Slayers up in "the special rooms," where Dana was. But, maybe it wasn't so bad. This Liz sounded like she might be gay, since she was saying she shared girls with Buffy's new boy. Maybe Faith decided being gay was a fun new thing to try. Maybe her and this Liz just had a fight, and Faith was getting more sensitive in her old age. She doubted that but…people did cry more easily when they were drunk or in this case ripped out of their skulls. Still Buffy felt a sense of horrible dread she couldn't explain. Maybe she should just give Faith some coffee and send her home and stop with the gentle intervening. Faith wasn't her responsibility.

"At least you can make me laugh, B," Faith now smiled through her tears and ran her hands through her hair.

"Let me see your arm," David said as he sat down next to Faith on the couch.

Buffy was pretty sure Faith had bled on the couch and she was positive she had gotten dirt all over it now that she curled up with her knees to her chest. That put her grimy Doc Martins all over it. What was with unstable people and Doc Martins anyway? It was no big deal though. Couches could be cleaned. Buffy hoped the same could be said about whatever had happened-- whatever Faith had done.

"Ow! God Damn it!" Faith scowled as David put disinfectant on her arm.

David began to blow on the disinfectant to stop the sting. Faith laughed.

"So, it's true what they say about you. You do blow sometimes too!"

David just rolled his eyes toward Buffy in a plea to hurry this up.

"Fade'," David said calling her by her name in Italian, "Why don't you tell us what has happened so we can fix it?"

"I'm sure you'd wanna fix it," Faith said her eyes suddenly narrowing as she pulled her arm away from him, "I'm sure you'd wanna fix it good. Liz told me all about you. How you knew. You knew they came, and you fucked with them. You! I oughta tear you a new one. Maybe if you had kept your fucking Roman nose outta things they'd be different. Yeah, you had to know. You had to know all along. You fucking—"

It was hard to believe that someone could go from crying and being bandaged up by someone to getting in their face about to hit them. Actually it wasn't because the person that was doing it was Faith, but she was in the face of Buffy's new boyfriend. Buffy felt her sense of dread leave her. This was just Faith being Faith.

"Okay, this stops now," Buffy said firmly as she threw Faith back on the couch.

"Oh," David frowned suddenly, "I think I know what this is about. Has it happened already? I thought there would be more time. Two more years at least. Those two were always naturals at bringing on their own disasters rather quickly. Just be thankful neither you nor my beloved weren't dragged onto their slag heap."

"I'll cut you! I'll cut you wide open you mother fu—"Faith began to charge David and Buffy quickly pushed her back again.

"What's going on?" Buffy turned to her new boyfriend before Faith could fall back onto the couch, "What are you talking about? Do you know this Liz person? What's a slag heap?"

David looked at Buffy with his green eyes that did almost look pleading. No, he wasn't supposed to do that! Buffy felt the god damned dread again.

"You won't like this. A slag heap is a junk pile, really a bi-product of mining, but what's important is: that's what you'd be on, and that's what Fade' wishes she could have thrown herself on if you had tried to drag those two—"

"No!" Faith yelled suddenly, "You're not gonna be the one to tell her! Not like this…Liz wants me to be the one, I guess. Angel would've done it himself. He wouldn't have let me fuck it---"

"What about Angel? The two of you know something about Angel and you kept it from me?" Buffy said quickly.

Her heart was beating fast again, like when Faith had first started crying. Buffy found she was really wishing she could believe that Faith would cry like that if she had killed another human being.

"B, Angel's gone. He might still be alive, but I dunno… There was a big battle, one that he apparently had planned for a while and—"

"No!" Buffy said as she felt herself rise stiffly from the couch.

"Tell me that the two of you didn't know about some huge world changing thing that was going on over there that you kept from me!"

"I kept nothing from you, amore. You knew that the vampires were involved in something dangerous, maybe something evil, and something you didn't want to be involved in. Those were your words," he said quietly.

"I never said that I didn't--- I wanted to know about the big things. I wanted to know about Cordelia. I sent Angel a card about Cordy. Did he get that card? It was more of a letter really. Was he--" Buffy found that she had stopped talking as she saw Faith was staring off into nothing now.

David just looked at her with those green eyes that suddenly didn't look sorry enough. Buffy felt her own eyes narrow in anger.

"I never---How long have the two of you known? Never mind. It doesn't matter. You're right. Just say what you have to say, Faith," Buffy said as she felt a dagger in her throat.

Buffy glared down at Faith who seemed to think the wall next to Buffy was much more interesting, even hypnotizing to look at.

"Fred died first. Did you know Fred, B? She was a slip of a thing, like a twig you could snap in half. That's all I thought of her. It was so obvious Wes had a huge thing--- I was such a bitch to her. I knew she was all about the book smarts; I figured we had nothing to say to each other. I wanted to get to work. When I went into Angel's mind Wes and Fred—"

"I know! I know you were in Angel's mind. I know Wes and those people took out his soul. What does that have to do with Angel being gone?"

"Wes," Faith burst out suddenly, "Wes was next. He died fighting some magic dude. The bitch goddess that Fred turned into buried his fucking body. I got to say 'good-bye' to Wes, though. I got to say goodbye, didn't I? He was glad at how I turned out in the end, at least that's what Liz says."

"I thought you said that Fred died? Faith, you better not be---" Buffy suddenly felt her brain snap back, like she forgot to do something really important, "What? Wes is dead. Are you sure?"

"He was my Watcher," Faith said in a sickly whisper, "and my friend. He bought me clothes in a really nice mall after we escaped from the jail. 'Anything you like,' he said. That's where I got this jacket. I think he thought we were both gonna die."

And Buffy felt like she forgot something really important again, and it wasn't like forgetting to set the Tivo. It was like she forgot to check for survivors.

"Oh, oh, Faith. I'm so sorry," Buffy said, "But, are you sure about this? It all sounds really weird and what about—what about Spike and Angel? Where are they?"

"Gunn was next," Faith said, "He died fighting, like he was born, Liz said. He didn't mind. It was how he wanted to go. I don't think Liz was lying about that even though I think he might a' lied about Wes talking me up. I think they were all too upset about Fred and the bitch goddess. Liz said the bitch goddess is alive for sure. Meanwhile, Liz fades in and out."

"Okay, Faith!" Buffy said as she felt short of breath suddenly, "Who the hell is Liz and how do you know you can trust her? Where's Spike and Angel?"

"He doesn't know where Angel is," Faith's voice was shaking, "He—he says that if Angel died he'd feel it, and he said he didn't feel it. But, I think he might be lying. I think he thought I was a hard ass, and that I wouldn't take it so bad. But, I think Angel might've been the only person I ever loved who loved me back."

Faith was silent for a second and the air felt thick and heavy, too heavy to lift her arms to hit Faith's drunk ass, too thick to say anything.

"I think Liz had a good time watching me drink and kick ass though, B. He called it…vivacious—no—vicarious living… and at least he could go where he wanted now even if he is just dust in the wind, so if he never comes back, I want you to know he had a good send off," Faith said and she did look at Buffy now and smiled.

"Faith," Buffy said through gritted teeth, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh c'mon, B," Faith snorted now as she stretched out on the couch, "You know. You can't do that. You can't make me explain what you already know after the night I had just so you can act surprised and show all the right under control B emotions. He knows you didn't love him and he's okay with that."

"I'll show you under control emotions. Don't tell me what I can't do. I think I'll make you do whatever is right," Buffy said as she found herself sitting on top of Faith.

At first Faith's eyes went wide with surprise or pain, as if she was the only one who had a right to it after busting in here and talking like this. Then she burst out laughing.

"Guess who's back. Back again. Guess who's back, guess who's back," Faith sang a little tune now.

Buffy really was going to hit her in the face when she realized that the song wasn't about her becoming a bitchy cop again. Buffy felt like she couldn't breathe as she whipped around to look behind her. Did she already know what—who—was there? Yes, but now she was looking at him. The track lighting was really good for him.

"She's completely out of her mind," David shook his head.

"No, she's not," Buffy said as her own voice sounded really foreign to her.

David hadn't bothered to turn to where Faith had been looking. He didn't see the other man there. She didn't know how anyone could miss him. Miss him as in not notice him. She could see how someone could miss him-miss him, and not realize how much they did until they saw him. Him with his same old coat and black jeans, Doc Martins, and super-model cheeks. Buffy didn't know how she got off of the whiskey smelling Faith as she felt her blood drain to her feet. She found herself having to sit beside the other Slayer.

"Amore," David said, "You are very caring to stick up for her sanity, but she's not being coherent and now she's singing nursery rhymes. She's also clearly being cruel pretending to have some information. The insane can be very cruel, you know?"

"It sounds like we dated more than one of the same girls, me an' this bloke," he spoke and he smiled when he did it.

"Yeah, and I may be a crazy bitch, but I don't sing nursery rhymes. That's an Eminem song," of course Faith had to say something too.

The sad look he had on before would have looked less painful. Buffy suddenly wished that she was the Slayer who could get drunk and hit things and fall to her knees crying in an alley for someone else to save, but that wasn't her. She was the Slayer with the new awesome place in Rome with crème colored couches that matched the carpet perfectly.

"Why don't the two of you tell me something I don't know," Buffy rose as she managed to smile with tears rolling down her face, "Like what the hell is going on."

"Spike," David turned and said very calmly, like ghost exes just walk through walls all the time.

But, all Buffy could see was him. He was there. Just standing there, not that he ever just did anything. He was standing there like everything that had happened was written on his face.

"Hello, Buffy," Spike smiled again, and yep, the sad look was somehow definitely less painful.

Spike. Buffy knew how he felt about all of it the second she looked at his sallow-in-a-hot-way face. Another battle, another life, another death, it's the way it goes. Buffy knew he still loved her, or maybe not. Maybe the look on his face wasn't about anything that had just happened to him. Maybe it was that he didn't love her any more and he was letting go, moving on. Well, wasn't that what she wanted. No! Well, yes, but not like this, not in this manipulative weird fucked up ghost way of his. The way Faith had been so drunkidly trying to explain. Buffy hadn't known that "Liz" was Spike at first. She really didn't know at all right away. She really thought, really hoped, Faith was talking about a Slayer that she couldn't place. She couldn't tell exactly when she had the feeling that Faith was not talking about a Slayer at all.

"You must be the latest Roman conquest. You know me?" Spike said his eyes scanning David from head to toe.

"I am The Immortal," David said stiffly like when the host took to long to get them a table at a restaurant.

"And yes, I do know you," David said his eyes turned into dark emeralds.

Buffy had never seen him be so curt, and yes, it was kind of hot, the two of them scowling at each other. But, she was mostly happy that David had gotten that pained horrible look off Spike's face. He gave her the second she needed to make her not want to spill tears.

"You're The Immortal," Spike said with a head-tilt of surprise, "Funny, thought you'd be a bit taller."

Once again, Faith was doing what Buffy wanted to be doing which was laughing. Buffy had to be losing it. Was this all really happening?

"You've never seen me? Well, I've gotten a look at you before, and all the things you've done with your Master Angelus," David said.

"My WHAT?" Spike demanded; "Oh no he didn't," Faith snorted simultaneously.

Well, this wasn't going to work.

"David, why don't you take Faith home? I obviously need to deal with this," Buffy said turning to him.

This wasn't right. Worlds shouldn't collide like this. But that was the life of a Slayer. You had to be professional. David would understand that.

"No way," Faith said, "I'm starting to sober up and it's not pretty. I feel like shit. I'm afraid there's no moving me from this spot."

Buffy felt her mouth tighten in rage. She'd move Faith from that spot.

"As you wish, Amore," David said, "and I'll make sure I bring the Second Slayer with me."

"Excuse me?" Faith said, "I think The Sloppy Second Slayer just made it very clear she ain't moving. If they want to talk in private they can go upstairs. If Liz fades away for good I don't think B should be alone."

"I think The First Slayer can make her own decisions. She requested something of you and you are going to force her to make it an order," David said.

"Oh no he didn't," and now Spike said this.

So, dying…again gave him a wackier sense of humor? Whether Buffy could deal with this or not, it wasn't going to work out like this.

"Listen, Guido. Unlike Liz I have very corporeal fists and---"Faith rose from her spot now.

Buffy pushed Faith back down to her spot she was so in love with a second ago.

"David," Buffy said, "Maybe you should just go. This is something I can handle. I've done it before."

"As you wish. Let me know if you need anything," he said.

Buffy walked him out thinking about how she was not lying. This was something she could handle. Spike had always disappeared and reappeared in her life and so did Faith. And, she had dealt with the Faith and Spike bonding. Heck, she had dealt with the both of them trying to kill her. Thank God the two of them never bonded when they wanted to kill her. This experience now wouldn't be as bad if they had teamed up when they were evil . Buffy was sure of it.

"This is a lovely place," Spike said as his lips curled back into a smile, "I don't know if I'll be able to stay though."

He was always so fucking amused by his own sick sense of humor. Now someone else was too. Faith let out a laugh that was followed by some really less sexy coughing.

"So, you're a ghost again, is that it?" Buffy said over Faith's hacking.

"Miss Five by Five gave you the 4-11 when I stepped out. Good. That's saves us time. I don't know how much of it I have left. You see I—"

"You're a disappearing-reappearing ghost and soon you'll be gone for good. I know. This is the same shit you pulled with Angel. So, now what? You thought you'd pull it on me,"

Buffy folded her arms over her chest.

Maybe she should be glad he came when David was here. She was wearing her white satin baby-doll night gown.

"Pull something? You think I'm doing this on purpose, Slayer? Pulling the ol' I'm-slowly-fading-away-as-a-ghost-trick. Yeah, I hear that one works every time. Better than the ol' my-friends-died-and-I-could-use-some-warm-comfort," he folded his arms too.

"I just know that the Liz Taylor necklace thing I gave you made it look like you could be dead and you're really well, not. No more than usual anyway. It was really great to get the memo that you were alive after I thought you died to save the world by the way," she said as she stepped up closer to him.

"I knew you'd do this," he gritted his teeth then he shifted his mouth that showed something much worse—sorrow.

"I knew you'd blame me. I did die to save the world, Slayer. At least I tried. I did it for you, once. Two was for the world, for what's right and all that. Don't know what three is gonna be for, but I can feel it coming up fast. You know what they say, third time's the charm. I tried, Buffy. I really did, but they won't let me go. Not clean anyway, not in my own way."

"Won't let you burn out. Just fade away. I know. You can make the third time a shout out to the whole fang gang in L.A.," Faith said, and Buffy didn't really know what she was talking about.

She didn't care. She didn't care about Faith's sad obnoxious ruby lipstick faded smile. At least she was smiling. Spike wasn't now.

"Who won't let you go? Those Wolfram and Hart people? Is it because of the necklace I gave you? It's from there right? I'm sorry, Spike. But, you were the one that stayed there and kept working for them. Why? At least the necklace makes it so you can't die. Are the people in L.A. really dead?" Buffy asked him softly now, "I mean, I know about Cordy, but, the rest? What happened? Where's Angel?

"You don't know much at all do you?" he said with his whole forehead wrinkling up in surprise.

"Clueless and as blonde as the movie," Faith said and sounded a lot less surprised.

"Well, it seemed like it was more important to tell Faith everything first. You guys must have really bonded in my basement," Buffy said coolly, but she felt the dagger in her throat again.

"I went to Faith because I knew you might not agree with what we had done in L.A. and you might not want to here how it all happened from me. Turns out I was right. Besides, Wes was her Watcher and Angel was her friend," Spike said plainly.

Bastard. Again he gave her nothing but a plain statement like: 'Aren't you supposed to be at work?' Hadn't he said he would kill Faith for her? So, Angel wasn't her friend now? Wes wasn't…Well, Wes had never been her friend, but was he really dead? Why couldn't Spike and Faith just act like normal people and say straight up someone was dead and then act sad.

"Don't waste time on the basement chain fantasies especially since Liz is untouchable now. He isn't pulling anything by being a ghost, B. He was and now he is again. He's fading again, but this time he ain't trapped in L.A., since the building crumpled and all. He figured he'd say bye with the time he's got."

"What?" Buffy barked and felt her hands go to her hips.

"You're here after not coming to see me to tell me that you would be going away and you wouldn't be able to see me?"

"Well, something like that, yeah, and I wanted to tell Faith 'bout her Watcher and her friends," Spike said.

"So, you—you really are a ghost?" she asked and reached out to touch his face and felt nothing.

Nothing. Of course his face conveyed everything with that nothing. He looked like he had when he asked to be killed.

"This is just a trick you can do with that necklace. Where is it? Why aren't you wearing it? Do you have to wear it to be solid or something? If you think it's too big and tacky you can have it resized," she said.

She didn't know why she felt her lower lip stick out when she said it. She guessed it was sad, him always having to wear a necklace to be in his own body.

"Ha!" Faith said, "I bet you thought you'd never hear B say that to you."

Spike looked at Faith and smiled a leering smile for a second.

"Why don't you go make yourself a pot of coffee, Slayer," Spike said to Faith.

"Can't you do it," Faith grumbled, "I don't feel so hot."

"Not corporeal, remember? And you know I have no trinket to make me that way, and even if I was as solid as a brick I wouldn't be wasting it on being your errand boy," he said.

Oh, thank God! He wanted Faith to leave. Buffy could just skip over the part where he called her "Slayer." Faith was muttering something about what Spike would be doing if he was as solid as a brick as she got up from the couch.

"I'm not a ghost," Spike said to Buffy very clearly.

Buffy gave an audible sigh of relief.

"I think I'm more like a parting gift, like the one they gave Cordy, so she could say her goodbyes," Spike said, "Of course I deserve a lot less than she did, so they took away my feelers, because they knew it would drive me bonkers. That little Valley Girl Saint could make out with Angel all she wanted. Me-- this is all I get and I don't think it's going to last long so at least I got to see you…one last time. You look very cute, by the way. I like the blonder hair, though it must be a bitch to keep up with hair that long. I'm not gonna say the rest because you know it all."

"What are you saying?" Buffy demanded, "I don't know anything. You're not a ghost. Some people made you this way to punish you and you're leaving just because you can't touch me. You're just going to give up and not fight them? Cordelia made out with Angel? I thought she died. Is she with Angel? Where are they?"

"Oh, you are rich, Slayer. I tell you I'm dying and you ask me where the poof is. Well, I don't know!" Spike roared so harshly Buffy pulled back, "Lost track of him when I was fighting for my life. If I had time to bet I'd put all my money on him being alive 'cause I feel it. He's probably a big ol' mess somewhere and you can have fun cleaning it."

"I'm through cleaning up your messes," Buffy tried to say strongly, "I have my own life now, finally. These people that are making you a ghost---or slowly killing you or whatever, I'll help you with that. But, then that's it, Spike."

"You think I'm asking for help?" Spike said, "I wouldn't dream of it. I saw how you and yours came through for my friend Fred."

"That had nothing to do with me. Besides, the way I heard it she was already dead. You know there's nothing any of us can do about that, at least nothing we should do. You know the price," Buffy felt her eyes fill up with tears.

She wanted to tell him everything again, about how she was doing so well now, but there were still those days—moments when she thought that maybe it would be better if she had stayed dead. She wanted to tell him how that feeling was in remission, but how she knew it would never go completely away.

"I do," Spike sighed, "Still it was a hell of a thing. You want to wish that somehow you'd just get lucky and she would live."

_You want to wish._ He was afraid to wish anymore and maybe he should be. They'd seen what wishes could do. For a second there was only the sound of Faith in the closed off kitchen wrestling with dishes.

"Is—is that why you don't want to fight these people, Spike? You're afraid of the price? I—I think it's different. You're not really dead. You're here. The other people Wesley and Fred…and Cordelia they're not though, are they? They're really dead, aren't they?"

"Yes," he said simply and Buffy shut her eyes.

Was she actually hoping for some round about pissy answer?

"I'm going to join them soon. Well, prolly not. I'll prolly go to Hell, but my reward was to come here and see you, and yes. I was going to be a little scared ponce and just do it through Faith, but thankfully, she dragged me here," he said.

"I am really sorry about your friends, Spike," Buffy said, "But, I am not going to say 'goodbye' to you."

"What?" he said as his mouth hung open.

"I'm not going to say 'goodbye' to you. Like it's a thing that I can just do, tie up all your ribbons so you can feel good about yourself," Buffy said.

"Fine," he gnashed his teeth, "Maybe I'll just do some more partying with Faith before I fade out again. That girl, she really knows how to grieve."

"Do whatever you want," Buffy said with a bitter laugh, "It's not like you owe me anything."

"That's right," he said, "I don't. I closed your Hellmouth and gave you your fire back. I'd say were even."

"I'm not—"Buffy began.

"B," Faith was standing there as Buffy turned behind her.

She probably heard her name and the word "party" shortly after it, or Buffy was out of sugar for the coffee.

"Saying 'bye' is what dying people should do, and you should say 'bye' to 'em. If you don't you'll regret it later. Trust me. It's a very important part of the grieving process," Faith said.

Buffy just stared for a second at the pale pretty rough voiced girl before her. Faith must be watching "Dr. Phil" or something.

"No, I don't accept this," Buffy said stiffly.

"It's true. So, I learned it in the clink from a shrink, but I know I'd a' been a lot better off if me an' my mom said 'goodbye.' Wouldn't you feel better if you and Joyce—"

"Shut-up, you idiot!" Buffy snapped and she felt bad as she saw Faith's eyes widen, but she was not going to talk about Mom with Faith.

"I don't accept that he's dying. He did the ghost thing before and he didn't die. Something happened to keep him alive. Somebody did something to make him solid and that's what we're going to do now," Buffy said

"Oh, okay," Faith said. She grinned now.

"I really appreciate that love, but it won't work," Spike sighed as he walked over to where Buffy had turned to Faith.

"No, I don't accept that," Buffy stated, "You're not dead. You say someone is doing this to you. So, we just have to fight them. Then, you'll be corporeal again."

"That's sweet, love," Spike beamed now, "But, there's nothing to fight. Nobody doing this to me. I'm dead, and I fade in and out just like before. I was just given a bit of lagging time is all. So, we can just make the most of it."

"What? You just want to play checkers or something and wait to die?" Buffy demanded.

"Well, you'd have to move my pieces," Spike said as he put his ghost hands in his pockets like he was embarrassed.

"She wishes," Faith laughed, "This non-corporeal thing really is a great way to stick it to you."

"You ain't kidding," Spike seconded.

"Great, so we're all in agreement someone is doing this to you, so tell me what you know about them. Wolfram and Hart, right?" Buffy said.

"No, love," Spike sighed, "It's not like that. God, I really wish you'd listen…It's an order from upstairs, the ones you can't really bargain with. They made me a ghosty, once again, so I could say 'good-bye.'"

"I really wish you'd listen," Buffy said, "You're saying that the Powers That Be or whatever, don't really know if I believe in those guys, gave you this gift of being a fadey ghost. It doesn't sound like a gift to me. It sounds like someone is messing with you, and if there is mystical messing—you can mess back."

"God damn it, Slayer!" Spike yelled, "Would you wipe away all the rosy tint that your rich boyfriend gave you and see what's happening."

"No one gave me anything, Spike. I worked for it all myself, and I have a right to a little peace," Buffy said.

"I won't argue with that," Spike said, "So, maybe I can fit in with the itinerary and go out all peaceful."

"You wouldn't know peace if it hit you over the head…not that peace would hit anyone--- Whatever. You're not dead and you're not dying. We just have to---"

"Ug!" he yelled, "To think I forgot how frustrating you can be. Look…"

He walked over to Faith.

"I want to grab the naughty Slayer and shake her for dragging me here and I can't," he said as his hands went through Faith.

"It feels a little hot though," Faith said.

Buffy frowned. She was speaking metaphorically, right? Buffy hadn't felt anything hot when she tried to touch him before.

"You think I'm hot, do you?" he smiled.

"Yeah," Faith said, "Warm like…Not when you were trying to hold me up when I was drunk and stumbling, you dumb ass."

"Funny Fred said the same thing. Well, not the drunk stumbling dumb ass part," he said.

They were now waiving their hands back and fourth, Spike's going through Faith's.

"Stop doing that!" Buffy snapped, "You keep complaining about this and saying time is a factor, and then you do nothing but mess around. How the hell did you last this long?"

"Um, Lessee…" Spike mock fumbled, "Oh yeah, I didn't! I'm dead. Dead! Dead!"

"As in door nail," Faith said.

"No, you're not, and where the hell did that stupid expression come from anyway?" Buffy said, "And I'm calling Giles for help."

"Yeah, because he really wants to see me alive. C'mon, Slayer this is embarrassing enough for you to see me like this without calling in your entourage too. Can't you let a man go with some dignity?"

"Oh, so you want to go out in some big blaze of glory while you're firing your manly machine gun and stupid Buffy is messing with it by keeping you alive with help. I know that's how lil' girlie me has stayed alive, but I guess you're too good for it," Buffy said.

"For the love of…The only thing that's too girlie and good for me is that stupid night gown you're wearing I'd like to rip off of you," Spike yelled now as he was inches from her face.

Buffy could swear she did feel the heat of his words blowing in her face.

"But, I can't because I'm not supposed to be here. And you're right maybe this some big bad messing with me or this is my own imagined Hell. Do you know what it's like to see you here and not be able to touch you? Do you know what it's like to know that I'm going-- to feel it-- and have you stand there and not be able to take in a word I'm saying because you have too much of that Immortal cum in your ears. I am not here, Slayer! I can't affect anything in this world around me. And nothing, NOTHING! Is going to make me solid again. Nothing can---"

Buffy felt everything she ever felt for him as he said these horrible things, so she did what she always did in this situation. She hit him. Hard. In the face…and he fell. She had felt him. She felt Spike.

"Well, that was interesting," he said as he sat up holding his chin.

TBC…


	3. Doright Woman, Doright Man

Do-right Woman, Do-Right man

"A woman's only human  
This you should understand  
She's not just a plaything  
She's flesh and blood, just like her man  
And if you want a do right all day woman  
You've gotta be a do right all night man."

"No! Stop! Stop it!" Dawn was screaming.

Buffy couldn't help but roll her eyes as she ran with Slayer speed toward the large training room at the main Slayer Headquarters. Her sister had been visiting from school for all of four hours and she was being attacked by something. Buffy was really glad her sister decided to get out of the demon world and do what ever she was doing in college now. Political Science, at least it wasn't Philosophy.

Buffy came into the gym and elbowed the vampire in the face and he fell. The vampire was Spike. The vampire was Spike?

"Geez Buffy. High-strung much?" Dawn sighed, "You okay?"

Dawn asked Spike as she offered him a hand up. Dawn was offering Spike a hand up? Okay, there was so much that wasn't right with that. Of course, nothing had been right since Spike was here, or maybe it felt like things were right--right in a new way, but that was wrong. One of the many new wrong things was that Buffy's brain had gone into overdrive. Well, first things first.

"You can touch everybody now!" Buffy exclaimed to Spike, "Not just me? What happened? Did Willow finally find a good spell while I was teaching?"

"No," Spike said firmly, "There is no spell. This isn't something magic can fix."

"So, it just went away by itself? I told you!"

Buffy didn't understand why Spike was being so negative about all of this. He had been Mr. Happy Dance when they discovered Buffy could hit him, and well, touch him. He said it was "the poetry of it" and that the Powers had a sense of humor. Spike thought he could only touch Buffy because of the "emotion she evoked" in him. (Sometimes he talked like an old English guy now. Well, he was an old English guy, but…Maybe it was from hanging out with Wesley. Wesley who he had been friends with and somehow it would have been all so funny if Wesley wasn't dead.) Buffy knew that couldn't be it. She knew she couldn't be making Spike feel something that made him all touchable. And even if it was true, it was a sign that he wasn't a ghost, or good-bye gift, or whatever he was so sure he was. It was a sign that he was supposed to be here--that he was getting better.

"No," Spike said, "It's not going away. It's not a cold, Slayer."

"Hey Casper, Pipsqueak, B," Faith said casually as she strolled past them in nothing but a black sports bra and spandex shorts.

As Faith passed by she reached out her hand and ran it through Spike's head. There seemed to be this "whoosh" sound that happened sometimes when other people tried to touch Spike. The "whoosh" didn't happen with everybody, most of the time when other people touched him there was no sound at all. Maybe the "wh oosh" was a sign he was getting more solid; unless it was a sign he was getting less solid. Faith seemed to think the "whoosh" was a great novelty.

"Hey," Spike and Dawn said in unison as if the three of them saw each other everyday and Faith brushed her hand through Spike's head.

She had Kennedy bounding after her as usual. They were going to train. Kennedy had to soak up all the Faith time she could possibly get, because apparently Faith was the coolest thing ever. Buffy had accidentally seen Kennedy present Faith to one of the Slayer classes she had taken over. She said Faith was "the real deal" because she was "street" and "had done it all solo without any glory." Yeah, it was hard to be glorious when you were in jail for murder.

"Hey, that is kind of cool," Kennedy said as she stopped near Spike as if he were a sculpture.

Kennedy began poking through Spike with her fingers like he was a baking cake. All of them stood on the refinished waxed gymnasium-like floor by a training matt. Well, Spike would say he wasn't really standing there, but he was, damn it! Faith was already across the room at the punching bag. Buffy was expecting Spike to give Kennedy one of his good tellings-off for poking him. She was kind of looking forward to it, but Spike was barely giving the girl a glare. He looked bored.

"Nothing," Kennedy said to no one in particular as she poked Spike, "Faith says you feel a little hot, but I get nothing. Well, that isn't much different from every guy I've touched. So, this is the reason my girl is locked up in a room with Giles--you. She's gone all hardcore research mode trying to save your ass. I tell ya, Willow is the real super hero around here. She's the best."

"Red's probably one of the best, but I had the best in LA. Fred really wanted to save me; it wasn't just about cracking a code. Fred had passion," Spike said.

"Willow has passion, vamp," Kennedy said, "Believe me she has---

"We all know that Will rules. What's going on? You just touched Dawn," Buffy asked Spike.

Buffy really wasn't interested in hearing about the passion Willow had from Kennedy's perspective at the moment. She also didn't think it was a good idea to talk about this girl Fred. Buffy knew she was the one who died after Cordy. The one she couldn't help. Not that she could help any of them. Buffy would help Spike.

"Maybe it's only with girls he can get somewhere with," Kennedy said.

"Oh, don't even…" Dawn began when all Buffy could do was give Kennedy a look.

"In a manner of speaking she's right," Spike said, "I knew if I could touch Buffy, I could touch Dawn too."

"And on that note I'm outta here," Kennedy snorted and went to join Faith.

"Yeah and I was so kicking your butt in training until you cheated with the tickling thing. What am I, twelve?" she said.

"No," Spike assured her, "You're a very beautiful woman, Nib. I always knew you would be, but I'm still surprised at how much. Glad I got to see it especially with out you setting me on fire and all."

Buffy felt a familiar dull ache that she thought happened in her chest, but she could never quite place it. She should be happy Dawn and Spike made up. It wasn't that she was upset about it, but if Spike…left again. Before she could think anymore Dawn was talking:

"Well, if I tried to set you on fire it probably wouldn't take, you'd go all poof. Hey, maybe we can try it, as an experiment. The last time you died it was from fire so maybe setting you on fire would make you solid again," Dawn said as if Spike hadn't said anything about her being beautiful.

As if she didn't care that she was beautiful, or "all woman sized" as Faith would say. It was like her and Spike had never been apart, but they had been. And Dawn was still a dork! A beautiful woman-sized dork. Who in their right mind would think setting someone on fire was a good idea?

"It couldn't hurt," Spike shrugged to Dawn, "Well; maybe it would, but if you really wanted to try it…Just remember what I said. Don't get your hopes up. I think the real point in all this was to make peace with you and now it's done."

"Maybe," Dawn filled in the gap of silence that Buffy couldn't, "But who knows maybe fire is the key."

"Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Both of you," Buffy said

Maybe she said it a little too loudly, or maybe there was just an echo bouncing off the steeple sealing that fell in between the echoes of Faith's punches at the bag.

"Buffy, you gotta relax. I really don't miss the old high-strung-fighting-The-First-Buffy, and you can't let this do that to you," Dawn said.

"I was not high strung with The First. I'd say I was strung just right to play my little tune in order to get rid of the origin of all evils," Buffy said to her sister.

"I agree," Spike smiled, "That was a good tune you played, a good move you made, making all these Slayers to beat the biggest bad back."

He looked over at Faith and Kennedy training. They had been joined by those three Slayers that always hung out together that were kind of obnoxious. Not that they weren't good. All the girls here were good. They had to be, but these three were all Scottish, and had these really thick accents. It took Buffy hearing them a few times to realize they were speaking English. She could always understand the cursing that they did constantly. They really were in love with the "c" word. Xander called them Larry, Moe, and Curly and because of that Buffy could never remember their real names.

"I didn't do it alone. You played some notes," Buffy said as she put her hand on Spike's arm because she could.

"Can't it just be like this," Spike sighed in a way that made Buffy pull back her arm.

Buffy was going out with David. David, The Immortal, was fun and exciting, and yes, even a little bit of a bad boy. Yet with David there would be no deaths or heartbreak or little sister's losing innocence by proxy because she slept with him. David would never tell her she didn't care enough because he was stronger than that. That's what Buffy needed, the strongest guy in the universe. She knew that was a tall order but luckily she was The Chosen Slayer. Faith was right--being a hot chick with superpowers did have its perks.

"I mean," Spike smirked as if he read her mind, "Can't it just be a reminiscent sweet good-bye. Can't we just have a good laugh and talk about the things we did. I mean the things that we did that are fit for civilized conversation. I just got out of a doomed fight, and I don't want to go back into one. Especially one with no purpose but pain."

"You want to have a civilized conversation?" was all Buffy could get out of her mouth.

Yeah, right. Nothing could be any less civilized than his conversation. Why did he have to talk so much? It wasn't just that he talked a lot; it was that his words hit so hard.

"Going back to your roots there, English? Trying to get all civilized and Victorian again. Sounds like selling out. You know what they say. Everyone's roots are really in Africa," Faith was standing next to Buffy now talking as usual.

She did it far too much too. Buffy always found she was reeling about things they both said. People didn't have to talk like this. People could say things that were less direct and made sense. Somehow Spike and Faith said things very directly that Buffy still didn't understand. What did Africa have to do with anything? They talked this way on purpose. They should both shut-up more.

"Shut-up, Slayer," Spike barked.

Buffy was going to say that she hadn't said anything, but she gladly realized that Spike hadn't been talking to her. Well, almost gladly.

"There's no way to stop this, Buffy. I was given this gift to say goodbye, and that's all I want to do," Spike said.

Yeah, he had said this a bunch of times already, and Buffy just ignored it. But, there was something about the way he was saying it now that was making it harder to ignore.

"So, you're saying death is your gift," Buffy said as she felt her nostrils flare, "Well, if that 's your gift to me, I don't want it."

"Here's a surprise," he said, "Not everything is about you. This is my gift--mine-- from the big man upstairs. I get to say good-bye to you. It's about me. It's what I want and that's that."

"No," Buffy said as she felt her voice get higher, "That is not that. That is the most moronic that I've heard. What happened to you? Did that place change you? The Spike I knew always tried. The Spike I knew fought for what he wanted bravely, and annoyingly, and sometimes evilly but you always---"

"Hello! Am I speaking Chinese? This is what I want. Look, I don't want to upset you Buffy, but there's---"

"Well, you are upsetting her!" Faith said and Buffy heard the whooshing sound of Faith trying to shove him, "And you seem to be fighting pretty hard to do it. So, I think that means that you want to upset her. And I think that means that you're a liar. In fact, I know you're a liar and---"

Faith hit Spike now. It was more of a shove really but she seemed to have moved his body. No, he had to be just reacting out of reflex.

"I don't like liars," she finished, "Tell her, or I will."

"I am not lying about anything!" Spike returned Faith's pseudo-shove by hitting her in the face.

Spike had just punched Faith in the face and there was so much wrong with that, and none of them were that Faith couldn't take a hit to the face. She returned Spike's hit really well.

"What I want," he said as he grabbed Faith by the shoulder straps of her sport's bra and backed her into the white brick wall, "is to have a nice peaceful time where no one gets hurt."

"Ow!" Spike said as Faith head-butted him down.

Buffy finally got over her shock enough to run over and hit Faith. It wasn't too difficult when all Faith was doing was standing there, but she could have started kicking the downed Spike at any minute.

"Bastard," Kennedy ran over and said, as she apparently viewed this as Spike's fault even though Faith started it.

She was trying to stake Spike. Buffy grabbed the Unchosen Slayer by the wrists as she tried to draw the stake down.

"What are you guys doing?" Faith laughed.

Buffy swore Faith wouldn't think this was funny when it was over. Then, Buffy saw the three Scottish Slayers trying to hit Spike with their Scottish fists going through him as he was laughing too. Okay, he wasn't going to think this was funny when it was all over either. Buffy grabbed him by the duster and hauled him up partially through one of the Three Stooges Scotts that were cursing and saying things Buffy couldn't understand for a change.

"What the hell is going on?" Buffy demanded looking into Spike's eyes that seemed to go wide with that concerned look all of a sudden.

What? He didn't think that lying with Faith would cause her pain?

"Yeah, what's going on, Spike?" Faith still laughed.

Then her voice got hard as she called over to the Scottish Stooges.

"Shut-up! That means you too, Violet. Just chill out. It's friendly fire. It happens sometimes with the boys. You'll learn," Faith told them.

They seemed to understand that. At least the shut-up part.

"Yeah, well," Kennedy said as she got up from where Buffy had thrown her, "I don't want any boy's fire aimed at me. Friendly or otherwise. I don't know how you do things, Buffy, but I was taught not to trust vampires. Kinda goes with the name 'Vampire Slayer.'"

"The shutting-up extends to you too, K," Faith said, "There's stuff going on here you don't understand."

"Her and me both," Buffy said, "Maybe she's on to something. Maybe I shouldn't trust vampires. "

Buffy never thought she'd be pairing herself with Kennedy, let alone someone who just tried to kill Spike. But, she could sort of identify with the feeling of wanting to stake him right about now. The only thing she couldn't identify with was Kennedy's obvious shock that Faith had hurt her. Spike could touch Faith, and he was hiding it. Faith, as usual, wanted Buffy to know she could touch a vampire just like Buffy could.

"Yeah, right," Faith said, "Go on and tell her what you told me last night."

"Last night?" Buffy demanded.

Then, Spike started to vanish. He had told Buffy that he was vanishing in and out, but she hadn't seen it for herself. Maybe part of her hoped he was being metaphoric, or he was making it up. She hated it. He faded out like one of those bad "Star Wars" holograms. It would be better if he just disappeared all at once. That way she wouldn't have to see his face, and that he knew it was happening.

"Oh, no you don't!" Faith grumbled and reached out to grab his hologramy wrist.

Buffy was thinking how Faith really could be a little slow, until Spike appeared solid again. No! That couldn't have worked.

"You know that doesn't work. It'll only give me a few seconds," Spike said to Faith.

"A few seconds is enough to say what you have to say," Faith said.

"Right, say it and then never come back again. Good plan, doe-eyes, that won't upset her," Spike scoffed.

And then he vanished with that sneer on his face. He was gone. Really gone. Buffy wondered what it was like for Faith to feel his wrist in her grasp and then have it fade out. Was it like if you held on to him when he turned to dust?

"He's so full of it," Faith said, "He's coming back. His Houdinis aren't happening any more than they were at first. He's just No-where man a little longer each time. It's like they get ten seconds longer each time, or maybe five or twenty seconds. I was kinda in the middle of something else when I decided to try and time it. But, maybe we got lots a' time. Maybe he'll start being gone for days, weeks, months before he goes to Hell completely."

"Goes to Hell?" Dawn demanded.

Kennedy and the Three Stooges seem to get bored with this. They told Faith they were leaving and she nodded 'good-bye' and didn't seem to see Kennedy's dramatic stompy exit.

"Yeah," Faith said, "At least that's where he thinks he's going. Makes sense after last time."

"Last time? When he'd disappear last time he went to Hell?" Buffy demanded.

"Yeah, I mean where else would he go. Murderer, right?" Faith shrugged.

"And it doesn't bother you that someone like Spike would go to Hell? A murderer?" Buffy demanded of Faith.

"That's not fair!" Dawn said, "He made up for the stuff he did. I--I thought he'd be the first person in my life who died I would get to say 'goodbye' too."

"Well, didn't you already say 'bye?' Didn't he tell you what was up? Besides, he's coming back, Pipsqueak but you still--"Faith began.

"Oh, what do you know?" Dawn yelled, "You were probably too drunk or high or half naked when you supposedly 'timed' his last disappearance to know anything. And no, he didn't tell me what was up. He didn't tell me he was going to Hell and he didn't tell me that you got your ho' hands on him."

"Dawn," Buffy chided and that was all she could let out of her mouth.

She held her lips tight together so nothing else would come spilling out that might sound like what Dawn said. It wouldn't be right to blame Faith for any of this.

"Pip," Faith grinned, "I really resent that. I wasn't drunk. Spike hadn't come up with the money yet to buy any hooch. Supposedly, this guy from like 1957 owed him some money and we were waiting for him to show with it. And if I remember I think I was fully dressed in a rather tasteful number from this fall's K-mart collection, a darling black T-shirt, set off with the perfect pair---"

Spike came back with this sneer still on his face.

"Oh no," Faith said mockingly, "I guess we'll have to finish the fashion chat later."

"What the hell happened last night?" Buffy demanded.

"I missed you too, love," Spike smirked.

"You tell me what happened now, or I swear, I'll make you both sorry."

"Last night," Spike looked confused, "Nothing really. We waited for Mouse and he never showed with the bloody money. So, we played some video games and I watched Faith get men to buy her drinks while she killed a few demons."

"And you touched Faith and she touched you. How did you figure that out?" Buffy demanded.

"That," Spike rolled his eyes, "I don't even remember. I think it was when she told me I was bitching like a woman and I went to smack her, or was it when I saved her from that Anexul demon in that bar? Or…I think it was when she said The Pistols were nothing but a boy band. Yeah, that was the first time I tried to hit her and made contact. A bloody boy band you really---"

"This is wasting time. Tell her what you told me," Faith said.

"It's not worth it. It doesn't mean anything," Spike said looking down now.

"Really? Because it seems like you've been telling Faith stuff that means a lot. You told her when you disappear you go to Hell," Buffy said.

"Well, I don't really know if that's true. It was just last time that was what happened. Look, it doesn't make any difference---"

"How can you say that?" Dawn demanded, "How can you say it doesn't make any difference? After everything you've done and how hard you've tried? We have to stop this, Spike. You can die all you want but you can't go to Hell. Not after I've forgiven you."

"I don't think you're the one that gets to make these decisions, nib," Spike said gently.

"I'm sorry," Dawn said, "I've--I have to go."

Buffy watched her sister run out of the gym.

"Wow," Faith said, "She's really grown up. Before she would just start bawling and run out. Now she says she's sorry. Plus, she called me a 'ho. Both signs that she's your average woman."

Buffy wanted to start screaming and calling Faith a 'ho or choking her. But she couldn' t. Those things were for other people to do and for her to stop. Spike was the one that was screaming now and choking Faith.

"You bitch! If I'm going to Hell you're coming with me," he said to Faith.

Buffy took a second to observe that he really had a good hold on her and that he probably could kill her right now if he wanted to. Then, Buffy knocked Spike off of Faith.

"All in good time, baby," Faith coughed and looked up at Spike, "All in good time."

Her eyes were all teary from being choked. That had to be why they were teary because Faith was smiling at him, but she kind of still looked sad. It couldn't be because she thought she was really going to Hell, or that Spike was. That was just stupid. No one here was going to Hell.

"You can't blame her for something you did too!" Buffy yelled at Spike now as she wanted to get back to what was really going on here.

Whatever that was.

"I didn't do it. I went out of my way to not do it. I did everything I could to not disrupt you and Dawn. All I wanted was to make you happy with my end and she has to bloody ruin it!"

"Yeah, you can see how you fading to black when you don't have to, like the world's biggest chump, is really going to make them jump for joy. If you could see B' s face when you start to go---"

"I do see her bloody face when I start to go, you stupid bint!" Spike yelled, "And that's why I don't want to give her false hope."

"What---what are you guys---You think the fact that you can touch Faith would give me false hope? That's why you didn't tell me about it?"

"What?" Spike looked at her confused, "What are you talking about---touching faith? Oh you mean touching The Slayer. Why would you think I'd want to hide that? You think I---"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Faith grumbled, "What Spike is hiding is that their might be a way to save him. That waif girl Fred came up with a way to do it."

"And Fred is dead, so there isn' t--"Spike began.

"But that blue bitch goddess has all of Fred's memories, so all we have to do is play nice with her and---"Faith continued.

"And doing that is next to impossible; plus I'm not even sure how the Blue Meanie's memories work---"Spike continued.

"But, while we're trying to get a hold of the blue bitch to open her head up we can work on getting the stuff we need to make him solid which is--" Faith began.

"Which is this powerful nuclear energy of some such that's in the forbidden jungles of Africa no one will ever be able to find." Spike folded his arms.

God! The two of them together were like listening to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, or poloticians. They wouldn't shut-up and they kept erasing what the other said.

"This was all that you were hiding from me. This was the big thing that you were hitting and choking each other for?" Buffy said.

"Hey, he hit me first and choked me second. I was just trying to save the bastard's life," Faith said.

"It's not going to save my life. It's just going to get their hopes up, and then I'm going to let them down again," Spike said quietly.

"Hey, join the club, I think we have jackets, but you can't lie to them," Faith said.

"I was not lying," Spike grumbled, "I wasn't sharing irrelevant information that would only cause pain. "

"Oh quit whining like a woman. You know that B wants to know that information, and that makes it relevant. You know what I think? I think you're just worried about the pain it'll cause if you do get solid. You wanted a nice little happy ending for your story and now it still has to be a question mark--that's what I think."

"Well, you aren't too smart. It was never going to be a happy ending, bitter sweet at best. I'm sorry I hurt you anyway, but did ya have to tell nib I was going to Hell?" Spike grumbled.

Sorry? He was sorry he choked Faith? Out of all the people he could apologize to, it had to be to Faith. The person who always thought they were justified and right somehow.

"Faith is right," Buffy said because she happened to be right about this, "You wanted it to be a happy ending for Dawn, and that's not right. If you're going to Hell she should know. She always liked you when she was younger because you were the guy that told the truth when everyone else couldn't."

"Really? Is that why Dawnie liked me? You're saying that like someone who really knows," Spike said with sad eyes, but somehow he also had that cocky raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Buffy said as she ran her hand up his arm, "Even when you were evil you could do something for her other people couldn't. You always knew how to put it all to her."

"I guess it's just like how you could put it to B back when you were evil, but ya know, in an X-rated way," Faith said, "Oh, this was supposed to be one of those subtle things, wasn't it?"

"Slayer!" Spike grumbled.

"I know. I know. Why don't I go make myself a pot of coffee?" Faith smirked and then turned and left.

"She makes me so angry," Spike said.

"Really?" Buffy said, "'Cause you seem all touched by her."

"Touched by…Oh, that's only because she makes me so bloody angry, pet. Don't worry about it. If you want I can hit her some more," he said.

"I want you to be able to hit everybody not just her," Buffy said.

"And here I thought you were jealous," Spike smirked.

"She can't be making you that angry. Why--why did you tell her everything and not me?" Buffy said as she felt something rising up in her body like bubbling soda, but she refused to let it affect her voice.

"Don't worry Slayer. I still get angry at you too, like I am angry about you and this denial business. Besides, you and I were never much for talking," Spike said.

No! That wasn't true. They talked. They talked a lot. She told him things she wouldn't--couldn 't tell anyone else. Then, in the end, she talked to him just like she used to talk to Angel, about battling evil and being the Slayer, and how no one understood. In the end…but that wasn't really the end was it? Both Spike and Angel had gone on to do other things without her. Buffy didn't want to be a part of those things. The things that Spike and Angel had been doing since they were no longer in the world of Buffy seemed dangerous, stupid and wrong. Buffy had to go on with her life and forget them. It would hurt her too much if she didn't; it may even hurt the world. It wouldn't hurt Faith, or the world, if Faith was a part of those things.

"You told her because you wanted to be alone with Faith in your special club without me. You don't care about me enough to tell me the truth anymore because I didn't come help you in LA. I moved on, and I'm not a part of your world," Buffy said and she didn't care if her voice was affected.

Angel had to feel this way too. That was why he hadn't come around like Spike to tell her that he was okay. Angel had the decency to stay away to not make things hurt more. Spike had never been decent. Or maybe Spike was just more honest. No! Spike had just lied to Buffy. Maybe Angel was angrier at Buffy. _You are not a part of my world anymore! You moved on. That's great. I can't! _Of course, Angel had come back, twice, just like Spike, and said he was sorry and acted like he was eleven in that cute way he does. But, he hadn't come back again and his old words, back when Faith won, were ringing true now. Spike was saying that it was all over and it was time to say good-bye for good, and now Angel's words would be true forever.

"You moved into this whole different place, this different world, and then you blame me for it. What am I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do?" Buffy demanded at the bleached blond vampire that stood before her with the twisted up mouth.

"That's the bloody rub of it, Slayer!" Spike barked and it made Buffy want to withdraw from him and runaway like Dawn.

But, Spike had grabbed her arm as if he was reading her mind again. Spike seemed to revel in this mind-reading power. She didn't seem able to read Spike's mind or know what he was thinking anymore. Well, Buffy didn't want to be able to read Spike's mind. She was sure it would say how Spike was mad at Buffy for not saving him in LA, even though it was very clear she had never been invited to do it. They said they loved her for being something that they could never be, but they really hated her for it. All of them. Buffy wanted to run to David's place, The Immortal, just to not have to tell him what was wrong. She'd say she didn't want to talk about it, and she wouldn't have to. He'd take her somewhere she'd ask to go, like Via Luciani 21, and she'd put on a colorful dress and pretend to be like the rest of the women there. There only job was to be young and beautiful and slurp pasta, and everybody loved them because they were so good at their jobs. Buffy could pretend she was one of them. He'd make her feel like she was one of them.

"You're not supposed to do anything!" Spike yelled, "You were never supposed to do anything. I may've moved on to a different place, and now I may be moving on to a different place again, but I never moved on to a different world. You will always be my world, Buffy, and I didn't want to hurt my beautiful little world especially when it's doing so good with out me. So, I just went to another place to talk and drink and fight and do all the ugly things I do. But, I was a fool for a change. I should've known that making you see that there 's nothing you could do is the thing that would hurt you most---"

Spike had stopped talking. He had been yelling and then talking, and then talking in that sad-Spike-way, but he stopped. Buffy supposed it was the fact that she was kissing him had something to do with it. She had meant to just give him a little peck, and now they were really kissing. Maybe the only time she could ever give Spike a little kiss was that first time, when he was badly beaten and broken up. Maybe it was like trying to take a little piece of chocolate from a Toberlarone bar, or maybe she was just curious because Spike's mouth felt wet and warm, just like before. Maybe Dawn was on to something, maybe setting Spike on fire, or making him all hot in other ways, was truly the way to save him. That would be…that would be wrong, especially to David, who had done all of these great things for her, not to mention the Slayers. But, he said he was helping the Slayers because it was a good cause not because he wanted to date Buffy. Still…

"Spike," Buffy broke away from him, "This isn't a good idea. I mean maybe it is, for you. I mean maybe…doing what we did can save you. I mean, make you not a ghost, or whatever, and if it is…I'm sure we can find another way. I'm seeing someone, as you know."

"You think having physical ties to this world will keep me here," he laughed, "That's cute. Sometimes I wish I was still evil. It would be fun to convince you that sex was the only thing that could save me. Somehow I'd figure out a way to work in that we had to do it in public places, as well as private ones of course."

"It's not cute!" Buffy said as she could feel herself redden, "I mean stranger things have happened. Angel lost his soul because of sex with me and there was that time me and Riley got sucked up by that house and kept having to do it over and ov--"

"Okay, Slayer!" he grumbled, "One thing I know that will make me want to vanish from this earth is hearing about all your sexual misadventures with those Gits."

"Yeah," Buffy realized with a disappointed sigh, "I guess sex never led to anything good in my life--mystically speaking, I mean."

"See, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen," Spike frowned.

"Well, I didn't want...You really don't--don't want to be with me at all anymore," Buffy stammered as she saw the resolved look on Spike's face.

She sighed and collected her own resolvedness.

"You have moved on, like I'm trying---like I have. I guess a girl can't be too insulted if a guy picks going to Heaven over hanging out just to be her friend. I mean, Angel picked LA over hanging out and being my friend. It's like you said that time, 'We'll never be friends.'"

"Buffy, I know you know that I would stay here forever just to be your friend, even if they were letting me upstairs. What I didn't want to happen was this."

"What? More bad kissing decisions. We've gotten over that before-- kind of. I don't get it. You said that we could be friends just now-- didn't you?"

"I think that we could be--- Oh, what the hell am I saying? I think that--Look, it doesn't--" Spike stammered and sighed.

"What I didn't want to happen is what is happening right now," he said, "The only reason you want me now is because you can't have me. I'm a challenge to you, a tough nut to crack, a project, something to work for. I'm not something that's just handed to you anymore. It was like the time that you were invisible turned on its head. It's better to just have a good ending and not have it go on and on like you an' Angel. It's better for you and---"

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing this to date you, Spike. I'm already dating someone, who isn't Angel by the way. Did Angel say that--- I'm doing all of this to save your stupid annoying life because that's what's right!" Buffy said.

She was outraged, livid, no, pissed.

"Oh is it really now? Well, little Miss Do-right it seems that you forgot to do the math. Let's see, this is the fourth time I've died now and none of the people I've killed got even a second chance at life as far as I know so--"

Spike had the nerve to sound like he was pissed too, so Buffy just had to show him he was wrong. She was the angry one.

"You are so stupid! Aren't you thinking about all of the people you've saved? Aren't you thinking that you are still around--alive--standing here for a reason other than to really piss me off. You're so stupid you can't even count how many times you've died-- it's three not four."

"Actually, it's four," he said calmly now, "There was a whole thing with the Blue Meanie Goddess. She killed everybody, but then she went back in time and made us all better."

"You died while you were with Angel twice?"

"Don't worry. I don't even remember it with that whole time paradox business. Angel just told me about it. He's the special one that gets to remember everything, apparently."

Buffy didn't think that having to remember horrible stuff like that sounded special at all, but she wasn't going to say that to Spike. Then, he'd never shut-up.

"Well, then, that time doesn't really count," she said instead.

"I dunno, maybe you're right," Spike said thoughtfully now, "Maybe I just liked saying I escaped death yet again, back when I was alive. Well, undead. Well, you could count that time the chip almost killed me and you saved me almost as a half a time, and the time with the Blue Meanine as half---"

"Shut-up!" Buffy snapped, "I get it. You're stupid. You want to die. Well, I don't care. I'm still going to work my ass off so you don't and you can't stop--"

"The only stupid one here is you. I do not want to die. I'd do anything I could to live, but I wouldn't do anything to you and your ever expanding group of Musketeers. The problem is that I'm already dead, and bringing me to life is going to cost whoever's corporeal hands grab at the power to make it so. And that's just what I bloody don't want. That's the definition of sacrifice, Slayer. It's giving up something you want for the good of something bigger than yourself. It's not working yourself to the bone to get what you want because you don't like being hurt, or maybe because you do like it."

The sound of Buffy slapping his so-called-non-corporeal face echoed in the gym.

"Fuck you!" She yelled.

She couldn't even believe she thought she was mad before. Now she was really mad. She forgot how Spike makes you think you feel one thing only to realize you hadn't really been feeling that way at all until the minute he really made you feel it. Maybe it was the minute he really wanted you to feel whatever emotion it was--anger, love, hate, confusion, pity. And if that was true he could go fuck himself all the more.

"How dare you say that to me?" Buffy spat.

Sacrifice was the thing that kept Buffy from being what she wanted--just a girl. She didn't even have to dip down to think of all the things she gave up in order:

Being the girl everyone liked on the outside, being the pretty LA cheerleader, being the new girl in Sunnydale everyone could have liked, being the pretty Sunnydale cheerleader, dating cute boys, dating any boys, seeming at least semi-normal in school and at home, (Maybe if she seemed more normal and if she had gotten along better with Dawn back in the day Dad would have kept coming to visit more. Mom wouldn't have been so stressed. Maybe stress led to her tumor that led to her aneurism that led to her…) dating Angel, her life, loving Angel, sex with Angel, and then finally Angel. All of Angel, any hope of Angel ever. Angel would have made it all worth it.

After that Buffy realized she would never be just a girl anymore, and it was okay, because she didn't want to be just a girl anymore. She wanted to be the Slayer, and the key to being the Slayer was sacrifice, but for that sacrifice you were given something it return--- you were given power. Just when she thought that was the key to all of it, and she could lead a happy life, she had to give up that life. This time for real, only not. Her friends (the few people she hadn't had to sacrifice) brought her back. Little did they know what she would have to sacrifice for that--- feeling alive in her own life that she finally owned.

Then she had to start all over again, and give up things she never thought she could give up and still be alive. It was too painful to really list these things out in her head. She wouldn't do it. No one could make her. Especially not Spike. But, he had always been the one to make her do things. She refused to list all the things he had made her sacrifice when she no longer was a part of her own life. They weren't tangible things that you could list, and that's what made it even harder to know that you could give them up, or how to protect them. Things like dignity and pride. Sure, she had gotten things in return, whatever they were:

(ecstasy, full acceptance, and something Giles called "**carte** blanche" which meant she could do whatever she wanted, which wasn't good. When she was really little, before Dawn, she could remember her parent's letting her do pretty much whatever she wanted. Then, it stopped and Mom and Dad started fighting. Then everything fell apart. So much for carte blanche. Maybe if you had everything, you had to sacrifice everything. Wasn't that what Buffy had done?) In the end, Buffy had even sacrificed the only thing that made her whole life of sacrificing special--her power. She didn't have to give it up, but she did have to share it. Buffy would gladly give it all up to have certain things, certain people, but there was no doing that. Spike was supposed to be the one that understood that.

"If you think I don't know about sacrifice, then you don't know me at all," she whispered to Spike bitterly.

"So, there you have it then. I don't know you. I treat you badly. I come into your happy life and I make you cry. Am I really worth the forbidden jungles of Africa? I know I was worth the forbidden fruit thing once-upon-a-time, but this is grown up time now, pet," he said all too easily.

Make her cry? Oh yeah, she was crying, and who wouldn't be? If the one person who knew you told you that you didn't know the definition of the thing that made you who you were, you'd be upset. Upset and alone. Alone in the crowd of people who wanted to be around you. Buffy felt like she had come full circle and was back to being the popular LA girl again.

"I hate you. You suck," Buffy said, like any Valley girl might.

"Okay, maybe it's not so much grown up time, but it's time to do what's right and that isn't always about what looks pretty or polite," Spike said

"You're right. Go back to your pot smoking, video game playing, and fight starting, Grown-up guy," Buffy said feeling comfortable with her old-old-school Buffy persona.

Maybe the spirit of Cordy was helping her out. There was a popular girl that was really so much more than her persona, or had been.

"Hey, I never said it was grown up time for me. I'm dead, too late now," Spike said.

He would have done so well in High School; he always had a come-back. Buffy didn't. She left him there. Maybe he'd vanish again.

"Amore, how I've missed you. Are you finally done with that vampire-ghost? How did it end? It doesn't look like it ended well; I knew he would only upset you."

Buffy had rode up in the elevator to David's penthouse trying to figure out what she was going to say to David. He now had his arms around her.

"And you couldn't have been more on the money," she said gently turning away from him to look out his window, "I'm done with him. Done with being his friend, done with caring about him, done with making out with...him being okay. He's not okay. He was never okay. He'll never be okay."

"So, he is fading as he said he would?" he asked.

"Fading?" Buffy asked as she watched out David's window. All the little matchbox looking cars raced around the big open mouth of the coliseum, "That, oh yeah. He did it once in front of me. He never did it in front of me before...It was weird."

Horrible was more like it, but weird fit too. Out of all the things Buffy experienced she never had someone she cared about slowly fade away in front of her eyes before.

"He's fading out of your world. It would be a good metaphor if it wasn't so true, no?"

"No," she said, "I mean yeah, I guess, but he's not going to fade. I'm going to stop it," Buffy told David as she turned to him now.

"How?" David, the Immortal, someone that would never die asked.

He didn't seem that concerned, but then again he never seemed too concerned about anything. Even when he was trying to convince Buffy they should date there was a casual air about it. It was like it was perfectly okay for her to say no. It didn't bother him. He didn't act rejected and start insulting her. He didn't brood about it while also saying she was probably right. He just kept casually trying. That was what Buffy liked about him though. You could throw anything at this guy and it didn't faze him. Buffy wondered how long you had to live to get like that.

"By asking for your help, anything you can do. We need to get to the forbidden jungles of Africa to get some stuff to make him solid. I know that really isn't narrowing it down but I'm sure now that we know of the basics of how---" Buffy was interrupted by a smile.

She didn't think you could get interrupted by a smile, and yet…

"You are asking me, your lover, to help you save a man you say you hate," David said as he kept the smile, "A man that was once your lover, a man that most likely wants to be your lover again. A man that has done some good, but who we can never fully trust because he has done so much bad."

"Yeah, u-huh," Buffy said casually back to him.

"You must be in love with him still, or you wouldn't ask this of me. If you are I understand...Well, I don't understand, but I--"

"What's love got to do with it?" Buffy blurted out, "That phrase isn't really usable anymore, unless you want to look like an idiot."

Buffy remembered Spike had said that once about a song phrase. What was it?

"I wouldn't say the phrase is what's making you look that way," David said as he sighed, again with the casualness that Buffy wasn't really into at the moment.

Not that she wanted to get all serious over this. That was the last thing she wanted. She just had to ask him, and then she wanted the topic closed unless they were discussing how to solve the Spike-ghosty problem. It was business.

The Ghostbusters song, that was it! Spike had said: "Who ya gonna call?" when he was asking who she was going to call about the chip. That was funny. He could be so cute when…Buffy called Riley and Riley did the right thing.

"I want you to help me save him because that's what's right, "Buffy said "It may not look right. I may look like an ass-- an idiot, but sometimes that's what being right is about. And, it's about giving things up you want. What I want more than anything in this life is peace. I think I came as close as I ever could get to it with you. If you don't want to be with me anymore because I asked you this at least I tried."

"I don't think peace is what you want most in this life," The Immortal said and he was actually looking very serious and much more like The Immortal than David.

"Oh, not you too. Men, I swear," Buffy scoffed.

When would her boyfriends stop insisting she wanted a hard life? She didn't. She wanted an easy life, but, surprise, life was hard and she had to deal with it.

"I think what you want most is to help and to think that you have done what is right. I don't think you can have peace without that, and yet, doing what is right will never bring you peace. I don't envy you, Buffy the Vampire Slayer," David sighed, but then smiled.

"U-huh," was all Buffy could say.

She knew she could get him to help with the Spike thing. He couldn't turn her down if he knew it was what she wanted, and the right thing to do. And it was the right thing to do and that was that. Buffy really hoped doing right wouldn't mess up this good casual thing she had with David. She really wanted to go to Via Luciani 21 tonight. It wasn't like she wanted to sit around with a know-it-all asshole vampire ghost watching him fade while she could do nothing, but soon that would change.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

"Someone like you makes it hard to live without somebody else. Someone like you makes it easy to give never think about myself." - Rod Stewart

"Something is changing. 30 degrees all around. That's your baseline temperature now. You're getting colder," Dawn said seriously as she waived the little ghost reading meter over Spike.

"Yeah, it's almost time. I think I can feel it," Spike sighed.

Giles looked up from his computer screen with concern and Dawn frowned. Xander was over a book almost asleep.

"I think you feelies might be out of touch with your touchies, Spike," Willow said calmly as she just kept her face with her now long red hair flowing down it in her book.

"According to most of this research most ghosts stay on this plane until they have their conflict solved," she said.

Buffy released her breath not realizing she had been holding it.

"Oh great," Xander said, "He'll be here forever."

"Sod off," Spike muttered, "and we all know I'm no normal ghost."

"Eow, you just jumped to 40 degrees," Dawn said.

"I think his solid comeback skills left with his solid body," Xander said.

"Keep it up and I'll show you something solid," Spike retorted.

"48 degrees," Dawn said.

"Like what? That pencil that you were so excited you could throw," Xander said as he looked over at Spike from the oak table.

Buffy would never know his glass eye was fake even as the sunlight came into the reading room, which she hadn't realized by now she made to look like the old school library as much as possible.

"That's right! I'll stick it right in you if you don't quit it," Spike said.

"55 degrees," Dawn said as she still held the ghost temperature thing up to Spike.

"Well, I can stick it right back in you if you're corporeal enough to stick it in me, right Will? And who knows maybe I'll get lucky and get your heart and you'll dust just like you want to, Constantine, and then we can all finally stop busting our asses while you float there bitching and giving up," Xander said.

"The only one bitching and giving up is you. And the only thing that is going to bust your ass is me. If you had any kind of brain may have noticed that when I do get solid in the day I don't go up in flames. So, you won't be getting lucky enough to stick me with any wood," Spike said.

"I could too stick you with wood---"Xander began.

"Kennedy was right!" Faith laughed with pizza in her mouth, "You two are so gay."

Faith had been leaning in the doorway holding the pizza that Buffy was sure belonged to her. She had ordered it a while ago. Delivery was slower here. You wouldn't think that with the way everyone drove, but they didn't seem to care to get places on time. David said he was going to be out late tonight, but at least he called.

"Yeah, I'm getting a little lame these days with all this researchy stuff," Xander sighed and stretched, "I was much better at it in Africa, where I was outside. Is it me or does the researchy room look way too Sunnydale library?"

"God, you are so far in the closet you're finding Christmas presents," Faith laughed again, "I don't mean gay as in losers, although…I mean gay as in gay. You two have some repressed thing going on for each other."

"What?" Spike and Xander exclaimed.

"Wow, 70 degrees Spike," Dawn said to him as she looked at the meter.

"Yeah, I was getting hotter too. Makes up for this cold weird pizza, " Faith said as she came in and set the pizza down, "Listening to the two of you go on about busting each others asses and sporting wood for each other. I mean, as much as the two of you are like bitchy old bats, you're not bad to look at and the thought of the two of you…"

"I'm going to start bringing one of those personal CD players with head-phones to research," Giles muttered to no one in particular.

"You don't think I'm bad to look at?" Xander asked Faith.

"You know every time you and your round little ass come in here and interrupt…" Spike said.

"Yeah, yeah, we know you like 'em bony, ghost white boy. Hmm, that's just like a guy to like his girls bony and his guys with bulk," Faith smirked.

"You think I have bulk?" Xander asked.

"….I want to knock you to the ground and show you who's on top all over again," Spike sneered.

"Eow, Spike you're up to 80, and I think you might be solid again!" Dawn said.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Faith went from grinning to raging at Spike.

"Do you mean bulk like fat bulk or muscle bulk? I've been worried since I' m not working construction," Xander said.

"A personal CD player with very large head phones that goes to a volume of 20," Giles said.

"I'm talking about beating the bloody tar out of you!" Spike said to Faith, "You haven't changed a hair. You still hurt people; you're as dangerous as you ever were. You were afraid you'd hurt the only good man you were with, so you ran away from him to here, but you're causing more pain and destruction than ever."

"Oh Spike, 98! You are solid now! For the first time a week! Oh, I guess you already knew that," Dawn said.

Spike had a grip on Faith's tattooed arm as Dawn was holding the ghosty meter to his back. There was a microsecond of silence where Buffy thought everyone might be waiting for her to say something. She didn't. She was tired of talking; all the conversations went the same. Everyone was trying to help Spike, but they weren't finding anything. Willow was hopeful. Dawn was fevered to find out more about the science of ghosts. Giles pulled every connection he had, but seemed to be on Spike's side that there wasn't much hope, while Faith and Xander grumbled about Spike giving up. It was all so beautiful and touching. Buffy didn't want to talk. She didn't have to. Everyone was just doing their thing and they would solve this. They would.

"Five things, English, Number one," Faith said, "I'm not hurting anyone here except for the extreme possibility of you. Number two, the only thing I was running from when I came here was the fact that I could be arrested. Number three, remind me that any drunken thing I say to you can and will be held against me. Number four; get your cowardly misdirected anger half-limp hands off me."

Buffy was surprised. Spike had said a lot of hurtful things to her, and while she shot back a lot of multi-syllable insults to him Faith remained calm.

"Cowardly!" Spike roared.

Buffy was not surprised by Spike's anger.

"Did I stutter? You do nothing but gripe all day, and then you do some more at night. You're not even trying to stay alive while everyone else is busting their ass," Faith said and then she punched Spike off of her, "And that's five."

"And whose fault is that?" Spike demanded as he jumped up, "You had to tell them about Africa. You had to tell them that the Blue Bitch might know how to restore me. Only we can't find either of those bloody things just like I bloody told you! It's like if someone in that movie told Mary Tyler Moore there was a cure for her little girl's cancer out in the Sahara and instead of getting to spend a few good weeks in New York they would have been sweating and combing the bloody desert."

Faith looked at him with her dark brows confused and knitted until Spike hit her. Then they were exchanging blows. Buffy remembered that movie. Mom liked it. Buffy was just a kid, and she didn't really get that the girl was dying. She just thought the girl was getting to do fun things in New York with her mother. Buffy kept whining that she wanted to go ice skating at Rockefeller Center, like the girl. Then in the end the girl died and Buffy cried and cried. Her father yelled at her mother for letting Buffy watch a sad movie. Then, her parents did take her to New York to skate, and by that time Buffy was over the movie.

"You know all about cowardice and dying don't you? Trying to take a dive with Angel twice, if you wanted the one that did a Slayer in you should have come to me," Spike spat at Faith.

Wasn't that the truth? Well, no not really Spike never really "did Buffy in." Not the way Angel had anyway, by turning into Angelus, but that was so unfair to think, it wasn't Angel's fault. So, Faith had wanted Angel to kill her again? Buffy had to admit that was a little pathetic. A cry for attention maybe, there was no way Angel would ever do that. Maybe Buffy didn't get what Spike was saying, but Faith was certainly getting a lot of attention now. And she looked like she was much more in kill mode than in die mode. She was on top of Spike with her hands around Spike's very corporeal throat.

"Who would ever pick you over Angel?" Faith screamed her calmness gone, "You say he's probably in some cave somewhere feeling sorry for himself. Even if that's true he'll come back. He always comes back. He takes every chance he has. What do you do? Fade the fuck out after you fail everyone—B, Angel, Wes, Gunn, now B again for good measure. You're not a vamp! You're a failed parasite. You'll never be the vamp Angel is!"

Buffy had to admit that last part looked very true as Spike threw Faith off of him and gasped for breath. Buffy recognized that furious look on his face. He was in full demon mode, only he didn't have the game face as he ran to where he approached Faith. Faith definitely knew what to say to piss him off. Angel. Buffy had never even thought of that in her it's-fun-to-piss-Spike-off-days. Maybe it was pretty obvious, but still Faith knew that, while Buffy didn't.

"Buffy, do something!" Dawn demanded.

Buffy noticed that Spike could have kicked Faith in the ribs while she was down. That would have hurt most. Instead he hauled her to her feet and they started hitting each other again. Spike wanted a fair fight, a good dance.

"I think the two of you should have sex," Buffy said; as she felt her face wanting to curl into a frown she kept it straight.

Spike was the one that looked up first as he and Faith wrestled on the ground. Then, a second later Faith looked up at her with her usual lined brow of confusion. Spike had let go of Faith while she still held on to his lapels limply. They were kind of both on their side looking up at her. Buffy was reminded of Willow and Tara smiling up at her while they lay on the college campus grass.

"Buffy, jokes about me and Spike is what set him off in the first place," Xander said, "I guess I'm more secure with my manliness."

"I'll show you manliness," Spike muttered.

"Anytime, baby," Xander winked.

Faith laughed loudly.

"You just walk your bony ass into things," she said as she looked at Spike.

"And with you he can...walk into things," Buffy said.

Buffy glanced around to see if everyone got it. All she saw were the stunned faces of Willow and Dawn and the waiting face of Xander. Giles still sat at the computer screen cleaning his glasses.

"That was an excellent technique to get them to stop their useless altercation, Buffy. But, I must say I'd prefer you to use violence," Giles said.

"I'm completely serious," Buffy said and she took a breath before she began, "Faith and Spike should have sex. We all know Spike's ghosty-ness is getting worse. He fades out more and he can get solid less. It's just like he said it happened at Wolfram and Hart."

"Buffy," Willow said, "things were different at Wolfram and Hart. They had--- "

"I know," Buffy interrupted. She couldn't bear to go through it all again especially with Spike's hopelessness.

"Wolfram and Hart was completely different. The rules have changed. That's why this will work. Spike is connected to me, to Dawn…and to Faith. When we touch him he gets more solid and stays there longer. So, Faith and Spike should have sex."

"This is that wonky idea you had before only now your throwing doe-eyes into the mix because you don't want to lose The Immortal," Spike said angrily.

"I don't want to lose you!" Buffy insisted maybe a little too strongly.

"I don't know how my becoming solid around you and staying there longer leads you to sex," Spike said a little less angry now.

"I think I know," Xander said, "Do you want me to explain it?"

Buffy was expecting Faith to take this opportunity to make a joke or tease Spike, but Buffy saw that she had walked to the other side of the research room and had her back to them. It looked like she was examining some videos Andrew made as if they were much more interesting. Maybe this was all too funny to her and she was just savoring what she would say next.

"Ties to the world, Spike," Buffy said, "They seem to be helping you stay here. You can't deny that. Maybe it will just buy us some time. It's not like we have anything to lose. Maybe if you had the ultimate physical tie to someone---"

"You really do make me laugh, B," Faith said, but she wasn't laughing.

She still had her back to everyone. Faith had to see this the way Buffy did. She had to see they were desperate and had nothing to lose too. It was an awkward situation, like the most awkward one in the world, but it wasn't as if it would make anyone miserable.

"You think sex is the ultimate tie to someone!" Faith turned to them looking miserable even as she laughed, "It's nothing. It's shit. You of all people should know that. Look where it got you and Angel. The ultimate tie to someone isn't sex; it's doing whatever it takes for them. No one here needs to fuck me."

"Let's not be too hasty n---"Xander began

"Shut-up!" Spike roared so harshly it made Buffy jump, "Let her say what she has to say. This isn't funny."

"No, it is funny," Faith said, "It's the biggest fucking joke ever. I totally deserve it but…Ya know. I don't really have anything else to say. I—I gotta go. There's a thing…some of the girls…they might want…training, something. You're right, I should never have come in here interrupting the book stuff…see ya."

"Maybe she just needs some time to think about it," Buffy said, "I thought she would be all over it. So to speak."

"How could you suggest something like this?" Giles said in his whispery voice.

"Giles," Buffy chided, "I know it's icky, but remember what we talked about with the not having secrets anymore. I mean it's not like I want detai—"

"He doesn't mean that," Spike said, "You just insulted the girl, and you insulted me. I'm used to it, but for her it's different."

"I didn't insult her," Buffy said, "Faith and I insult each other all the time. It's our thing. So, I'd know if I was insulting her."

"Apparently not," Giles said and gave her a slightly disappointed look, but then he smiled a little, "I think I'll go get that personal CD player now, or maybe an IPod."

Then he left. He was uncomfortable and joking and Buffy expected that, but what was with the disappointment? Couldn't he see what she was doing? She had to save Spike, in any way, and if the way included a good time for Faith she would be all for it.

"Okay, is there some weird English thing about suggesting that two people should get it on?" Buffy said, "Because if there is, you guys should have gotten this pissed when Faith was talking about Xander and Spike hooking up."

"And on that note I'm leaving," Xander said as he rose, "I'd do almost anything for you, Buff, but having sex with your ex on the off chance it will save his life isn't one of them."

"Um. That thing that Faith mentioned for the Slayers. We should go to it too," Willow said to Dawn.

"Yeah," Dawn said and looked at Buffy with disapproving eyes as she was talking to Willow, "Maybe your girlfriend can teach some sensitivity courses to ALL the Slayers. It would be an improvement."

"Yeah," Willow said absent mindedly, not really getting the joke because she was too busy pretending to arrange her books to avoid looking at Buffy.

"Okay," Buffy said to Spike, "Note to self: My people are never going to do as the Romans do even when we're in Rome. They're going to get weird about sex, and don't you start with me. I brought that up as a real solution. I am not trying to test anyone."

"That's what makes it so bloody awful," Spike said, "That poor girl. To treat her like a prostitute after the life she had."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Buffy said, "No one is treating anyone like a prostitute. Faith isn't exactly a virgin. She has no problem with---Wait? That poor girl? A second ago you wanted to rip her head off."

"Yeah," Spike said, "and you know what that has to do with you? Nothing! It's something you'd never understand. She's tryin' to get me to live by killin' me; it's the way us real demons work. It's not your way and you see it and all you think of is---"

"Don't you think I know that?" Buffy yelled, "Don't you think I know it has nothing to do with me? But that's your fault not mine."

"And that just drives you crazy, doesn't it?" Spike actually spat on her when he yelled, "that there's a piece a' me—one sodding piece you can't have. Even though you don't want me, even though you want to toss me into some arrangement that makes your Slayer nothing but a concubine to me because she owes you. That way you can control us both. I never thought you were that into control after going all those rounds with the handcuffs and the public places, and the chains…and that odd hanging thing at Rack's place, but maybe it makes sense. You're getting more and more like your rich boyfriend everyday. Pretty soon you won't need his blood money to spray everything with roses; you'll have enough of your own."

She smacked him so hard he bled around his mouth as he was backing her up into a corner. He laughed and licked the blood and then seemed to react like he might have licked off slightly old yogurt.

"I'd say it was just like the bad old times, 'cept it's not at all," he laughed.

"No," Buffy said, "It's not except I was still stupid enough to think I could ever have peace in my life with someone like you around, no matter how you change. I don't need you around here with your changes and your same old insults. I have Faith for that."

"Yeah, your Slayer an' me. I said she's keepin' me alive by tryin' to kill me but it's you who'll really kill me, Slayer. It's always you. Just you," he said.

"No," Buffy said and her voice cracked, "It's not just me. It can't be just me. I know that now, because I do kill you. You think I wanted to do it the first time? You think I wanted you to die and then go off into Angel's new world that I can't even begin to understand?"

"Buffy that was---, "Spike just looked confused now.

"Shut-up!" it just made Buffy mad, "I killed you once, and I didn't think you were ever coming back. I mean, I really didn't, but I should have known better. You are a Champion, and now you are back and I have to save you again. I have to! But, I know I can't do it on my own. I need help. I need Faith. I know she was in Angel's mind to save him, and now she can be in your body and save you."

"Buffy, that's—that's—listen—"he was stammering as he tried to touch her.

"Don't touch me!" Buffy yelled, "Don't ever touch me anymore. I don't want to be the reason you stay around—dying. I'm not trying to keep you here. I'm not trying to control you or anyone. You come to me, and say you don't want help, but you need it. And then, then, I am willing to do whatever it takes to help you. I am willing to give you up to someone else to save you. Again, I'm sacrificing, which was something you defined as giving up something I wanted and I get called a controlling bitch."

"You don't want me. You don't want someone like me," Spike said through gritted teeth, but there was still something pleading about it.

"You want to die, Spike?" Buffy demanded.

"I don't—"Spike began.

"Fine, go ahead. You got what you wanted. The quest to save you is over. Now you can say I' m a heartless bitch instead of a controlling one," Buffy told him.

"Buffy, stop," Spike said gently, "You have to understand what it was like for me an' Faith to hear that coming from you. We have a history with you—"

"'We have a history with you'? 'We have a history'?" Buffy repeated numbly, "Like I wasn't there. Like I don't know about you and your poor defenseless murdering Slayer's fucking history with me because I was off getting a manicure. I know all about your history with me. You both put me up on some pedestal and then you get at mad when you can't spit at me from there, and I can't do it anymore. I just can't."

Buffy had been looking over some of the performance scales of the Slayers. It was really interesting. All of the Slayers clearly had super-powers, but none of them could quite perform as well as Buffy. Maybe it had something to do with being a Chosen Slayer. Buffy wondered how Faith would perform on these physical aptitude tests she made up. Like she would ever take them. Maybe she would. Who knows maybe she'd perform as well as Buffy. Faith seemed to train a lot and all the girls were very impressed by her. Buffy decided to do some solo training herself. It would help her get her mind off the whole Spike fight she was not going to think about. She wasn't going to let Spike distract her from her responsibilities. She didn't even let her super great boyfriend do that. Still, Buffy was feeling a little self-humiliation. Spike was always so good for that. She realized just a week before she had told Spike off, she had hit him, and she said she wasn't going to help him. And this weak it was rinse and repeat. She finally had a boyfriend she didn't have the same fight with over and over. So, why did Spike have to show up? At least this time there was no kissing. But now Spike had everyone else thinking Buffy wasn't trying to save his life in the right way. This wasn't the kind of action Buffy expected when she said Spike and Faith should sleep together.

Buffy left the Slayer's building and realized she couldn't go to her apartment because Dawn might be there. Dawn was clearly in a snit about Buffy suggesting that Spike sleep with Faith. Looking at her sister's glaring eyes and hearing her mouth off about how Buffy knew nothing about relationships was not what Buffy needed right now. If Dawn wanted to know all of what was really going on and be treated like an adult she had to stop being so sensitive. There was a message on Buffy's cell phone from Will gently asking her if she'd like to talk about "um, today." Buffy couldn't face that either. Willow was the one who would understand and not judge and maybe even tell everyone to shut-up in the end, but Buffy didn't want to face her awkwardness around the issue. It would just remind her of how much she screwed up.

Saying that Spike and Faith should have sex in front of everyone, what was she thinking? She wasn't. Well, she was, but that was the problem. She was thinking too much about what would save Spike and not enough about everyone's feelings on sex and stuff. She should have approached them more delicately alone, and gave them time if they had problems with it.

Still, she honestly thought that Faith would be the last person to have a problem with it. She just thought Faith would smirk and then brag about how she was the best thing Spike would ever have and then it would be over. Except it wouldn't be over. Buffy would probably have to suggest they keep in contact a lot so Spike didn't lose his corporealness. Maybe Buffy wouldn't exactly have to suggest that they do that, since they probably wouldn't mind having sex.

They probably wouldn't mind having sex! They'd be really into having sex. It wasn't like it was just some mutual activity to save Spike's life. Buffy wondered if Spike would want to play a lot of the games he played with Faith. He had been evil when they had sex, so maybe he'd have calmed down or something. She doubted it. Then, something horrible happened. Buffy started actually thinking about Spike and Faith having sex. This was something she hadn't done before. Yes, she had accepted that they would have sex for the greater good, but she hadn't really thought about how they would have sex. Oh my God! She had told Spike and Faith to have sex.

(She would not picture Spike and Faith kissing. It was already bad enough having the image of Faith and Angel burned into her brain with the kissing. Never mind the ideas of clothes coming off and the other stuff. Then there was the time she saw Faith and Angel cuddling. Spike wouldn't do that with her. Buffy didn't let Spike do that, and there was no way Faith would. Unless, unless she did. It wasn't like Faith fought off Angel's cuddling. Spike was a severe cuddler for sure.)

As Buffy exited the Slayer headquarters she saw someone sprawled out on the steps smoking. Great. Now her night could be complete.

"Hi Faith," she said, "You're still here? It's probably good all the other girls have left. They might see you smoking and get the idea it was cool. I know they look up to you a lot."

"Heh," Faith smirked, "This is Europe, B. Half of the girls started smoking at ten and drinking at twelve, and they're already pros and the other stuff too."

"I haven't seen that," Buffy said, "So, when did you become an expert in European culture?"

Buffy made sure she kept her voice very light and peppy.

"It started when you made all these Slayers. Gave them all this responsibility that they weren't ready for. I was an expert in that, so I try to apply it to the girls," Faith said.

"I didn't give them responsibility they weren't ready for. I helped them. I saved their lives!" Buffy said.

"No one's saying anything different, B. That's what you're an expert at after all," Faith grinned.

"I'm an expert at saying something different?" Buffy demanded, too confused to be mad.

"No, at life saving of course," Faith said.

"Oh," Buffy said, "Well, yeah. We all have the stuff that we're good at. You seem to be good at knowing all the little details of the lives of theirs I saved. That's—that's important. It makes you very popular with them, I know."

Good. Buffy could at least have a nice conversation with one of them tonight. She said something nice to Faith and Faith said something nice to her. This day wasn't a total disaster.

"Yeah," Faith laughed, "The popular girl who's popular for all the wrong reasons, that's me. I'm fun and slick and I slide into town to take all the glory, but I'm not the dependable hard working honor student home-coming queen they'll love forever. That's you. I'm the one everyone will fuck; you're the one that everyone will marry."

Of course, Faith couldn't let an opportunity for a disaster go by. Buffy really wanted to hit that cigarette down her mouth as it bounced up and down between her thick ruby lips as she laughed at her own joke.

"Faith, that's not what I was saying at all! Every time---"

"No one said that was what you were saying," Faith said, "That's what I'm saying. I'm telling you not to worry. No one will remember me here when I'm gone."

"You're leaving? When? Now?" Buffy asked, "I mean, I'm not worried. I mean. I'm sure people will remember you."

"At least Spike would," Faith said, "If we took you up on that slap and tickle to save his ass idea. I came on to him once before you were together and he remembered every word I said all these years later. So, if he remembered the talk, it's highly unlikely he'd forget the walk."

Buffy felt her eyes narrow, but she made herself smile. This was the Faith she knew. The reaction she had expected. Where was it when she needed it? Not that she needed it, or Spike needed it. They'd find another way to save him. Buffy strutted up to Faith.

"Was that when you were in my body and hoping I was off some where dying in yours?" she asked, "Why didn't you take me up on the offer than Faith? I know you're not an expert in saving lives but maybe if you tried it with something else you were so practiced in…"

Buffy had no idea why she was asking Faith why she didn't want to sleep with Spike, or why she was asking in such a mean way. No, she did know. Faith made her angry with her meanness once again, and Buffy would really actually like to know the answer being that she had no idea what it could be.

Faith seemed to frown for a moment but then broke into that cracked grin. She tossed away her cigarette and bent down into a bag she had at her feet to get another.

"I woulda gladly taken you up on your genius plan and rode him into the sunset to save him, set his soul on fire. Except with my way it woulda brought him to life—not killed him like when you set his soul on fire with that Liz Taylor necklace. That's what you do to the cool vampires you know, huh B? Kill them. But, hey, it saves the world, right?" she said.

Buffy was going to hit her right in the face, but something about the look on her face when she bent back up from her bag made Buffy stop.

"Killin' the vamps, makin' the Slayers, and now you want me to make it with a vampire. You always have the cool ideas," she said, "Too bad this one had a huge glitch."

"What's that?" Buffy said as she felt her own chest rise and fall with angry breath.

She still was deciding whether or not it was a good idea to hit Faith.

"It wouldn't a' meant shit," Faith smiled a sad sort of smile, "So, even if your Pollyanna theory is right, it wouldn't a' worked. You want to keep your boy on this Earth with touchie feely stuff. You said that Spike should fuck me because we have some kind of connection, and that screwing was the ultimate connection. Ultimate, that's such an 80s word. You're getting old, B. If me and Spike bumped uglys we wouldn't have been connecting at all. For someone like me screwing means nothing, so it wouldn't a' kept him here."

"Well, I guess someone like you shouldn't sleep with Spike then. I guess we'll find another way," Buffy said feeling a little triumphant.

"Looks like you'll have to, since you can't sleep with him without crossing your Guido Immortal boyfriend, and word on the street is no one crosses The Immortal. So, who else makes Spike solid besides you 'an me? Hmmm, what's the woman sized Dawn up to?" Faith asked.

Before Buffy knew it her fist was swinging at Faith and it was moving so fast she could hear the air whip when Faith ducked. Buffy grunted with her exertion, but she hadn't gotten that satisfying crunch.

"Look Ma, no hands," Faith said as she came up from her duck, "Maybe you're getting slower, B, or you're just too predictable. Still, I do wonder whether you won't send Dawn into do the dirty work because you're still in love with the vamp or 'cause you're not."

"Again, with the predictable," Faith said as she ducked Buffy again.

Buffy knew she wasn't trying her best with that last hit. Faith flipped over the steel back railing of the Slayer headquarters just for dramatic affect.

"Sorry, girlie," Faith said, "I've had enough of your love bites tonight. I'm callin' in my safe word."

"You haven't even—"

Suddenly, there was a loud obvious throat clearing.

"Am I interrupting something?" a girl's voice asked dryly.

Oh god. Just what Buffy needed, one of the new Slayers seeing this. How could they ever look up to her as a teacher now? Buffy looked over and was immediately relieved to see that the girl was not a Slayer. She definitely was not a Slayer. Every Slayer had a little bit of individual style, but Buffy would have remembered one that went around in a skin tight satin spandex leotard with a conveniently styled cut out hole in it to show off her perfectly muscled stomach. If that wasn't enough the girl had a few locks of her long spiraled hair streaked red with matching lipstick. Not that she needed the lipstick or anything else. She was one of the most beautiful women Buffy had seen and since she lived in Rome now that was saying a lot. She had the classic face of a porcelain doll that didn't match her get-up at all. She also had sixteen hole Doc Martins. Great Doc Martins, probably another hotheaded unstable person.

"My ride is finally here!" Faith beamed and hopped down the steps and grabbed the girl's hands and stretched them out to arms length.

What a surprise an uber-slut Doc Martin wearing girl was a friend of Faith's. Where did they meet? Prison?

"Well, well, well, God Bless the internet even though that picture you sent didn't do you justice," Faith said.

"Your meeting someone from the internet in front of our headquarters?" Buffy asked.

Great. This could be even better than a prison friend. Buffy knew people met on-line all the time now, but she still wasn't into it. This girl could be a circus freak, or some kind of crazy person. Not that this was much different than the people that Faith probably met off-line, but still, the girl could be a freak, and Faith was exposing the Slayer headquarters to her.

The girl's whole demeanor seemed to shift out of her coolness. Buffy saw that she was lacing her fingers through Faith's slowly as she looked down at them like they were these amazing things she'd come all the way to Rome to see.

"When I saw your picture I thought it had to be fake. No one who's been in the slammer looks that good," she said modestly and bit her lip, "I wasn't exactly wrong you look better, much better. You're beautiful. He said you were. Beauty with the mouth of a truck driver and the fists of a Samurai or some blah blah. He sent me so many emails with pretty words in the end. After he got all his fancy suits and everything it was like he appreciated beautiful things more. That was probably my fault. I gave him a taste of the finer things in life and then…"

"And then he never got anything finer than you, but he made all his own choices, right until the end. He'd have it no other way," Faith said.

Then Faith hugged the girl and she seemed to get a look of fear on her face. Her doll eyes grew big with fear that Buffy saw on the faces of girl's all the time who had unexpected things thrown at them. Then her eyes shut and her face had that look of peace, but then her delicate face seemed to wrinkle with pain. She looked like she might cry when she hid her face in Faith's shoulder. Then as quickly as all that happened the girl stepped away from Faith as if she remembered Buffy was there. Her face got its hardness back immediately as Buffy saw her eyes travel over her.

"You told me Spike was short, and blond, and a real cherry, but I always thought he was a guy," the girl said.

"Spike?" Faith said as if she forgot who that was, "Oh yeah, were not gonna hang with him tonight. Things got kinda weird and he'd just be a pissy downer anyway. I don't know why I even thought bringing anyone in with us would be cool. We'll be at our best as a team of two."

"I get you all to myself," the girl smiled, "I've never been with a girl freak like me before."

"No one is a freak like me," Faith told her.

"That's not the way I heard it," the girl said, "I heard Slayers were a dime a dozen now, and I'm still one of a kind."

"You met a girl on the internet? This girl? And you told her all about Slayers on the internet? And she came here to meet you from America? From the internet?" Buffy said a little louder than before.

She knew the girl was American right away, but it hadn't occurred to Buffy how that was weird until this moment. There was also a black limo that the girl came with that seemed to have a driver in it. Faith had used her Slayerness to hook up with someone rich from the internet. That did seem like Faith, but a girl? It seems like they had told each other their life stories from the sound of it.

"Don't worry, B. I know she's not a psycho killer. We have buds in common," Faith smiled sliding her arm around the girl.

"Yeah, we met through super-freindster," the girl said and she seemed to think she said something really hysterical that Buffy didn't get, "Bedsides aren't you the psycho killer?"

"Yeah, I think we have a leg up knowing right away which one of us it is," Faith grinned looking at the girl.

"Yeah, you be the psycho killer and I'll be the bounty hunter. I usually like being the Jewel thief, but for you, cherry…" the girl said leaning into Faith almost touching her face.

"You're a bounty hunter?" Buffy said.

Great, two unstable girls that both thought their sick or cryptic jokes were the comedy of the year. Buffy could so do without this. Why did she think Faith would bring anything other than trouble? Who was this girl?

"Who is this girl?" the girl asked looking at Buffy with that cool look.

"She's B," Faith said simply.

"She's B!" the girl exclaimed and her eyes seemed to widen and then returned to giving Buffy the cool look.

"Yeah, don't gawk at her," Faith said, "She's had a rough day with trying to save the vamp with the attitude."

"Isn't that what you do?" the girl asked silkily.

"Well, I do it dirty, she does it straight," Faith said.

"Straights boring, but to each their own," the girl said.

Faith brushed back the girl's long hair like it meant something, and the girl looked like she had gotten a full body massage from Faith. Now that they weren't hugging the girl no longer seemed shy. She greedily seemed to put her arm around Faith and pull her in. Gay. Had to be. If just for this one girl. Leave it to Faith to get the most gorgeous yet shady Glam girl to be gay with.

"That's what I always say," Faith said, and she surprised Buffy with stepping over to her.

"See ya later, B" she said quietly, "No hard feelings, okay? I know you're wicked stressed."

Buffy felt Faith's hands wrap around her head and she thought she was about to get some head-butt warning. Faith would just love to show off in front of her new friend, and Buffy was so emotionally tired she might just let her do it. She couldn't take anymore. Buffy wanted to save Spike and somehow it all ended up in some mash-up with sex and Faith. Now everyone was mad and disappointed except Faith, who made Buffy mad, and it turned out Faith was now probably gay with some bitchy weird girlfriend so she could never have slept with Spike to save his life anyway. So, why shouldn't Faith head-butt her? Whatever. Instead Buffy felt Faith's cool lips on her forehead.

"Don't worry, B" she said, "I'll make it all all right, and I won't have to screw with a single one of your boyfriends to do it. At least not much."

Faith said after she pecked her forehead like a mother looking in on her sick child. Buffy looked up into Faith's grinning eyes feeling a weird sort of hurt and confusion. Faith frowned and opened her mouth to say even more.

"Aw, and here I thought we were gonna charge up a vamp and bring him back to life," the girl pouted coyly.

"Yeah, from what you say it looks like we will," Faith said.

"I thought you said you weren't hanging out with Spike tonight," Buffy said as she only looked at Faith.

Buffy would rather chew tinfoil than spend an evening with Spike right now, but the thought of him hanging out with Faith and this bitchy spandex grabby girl was too much.

"We're not," Faith said, "Don't mind Gwenny. She just likes to make her Frankenstein jokes."

"It's alive! It's alive! I made its heart go pitter patter and I made it stand up straight," the girl laughed.

"A'right, Gwenny," Faith rolled her eyes, "Don't scare B anymore."

"I'll be a good freak," the girl said as she took Faith's hand and pulled her back to her, "As long as you come away with me now so we can plan out our capers. It's cool having an accomplice."

"Well," Faith said to Buffy, "We have stuff."

"Yeah, stuff," the girl said giving one last glare to Buffy.

"I guess you do," Buffy said.

As Buffy watched them leave she wondered just what stuff they had. She got it. She wasn't invited in on their stuff and she didn't want to be. She wanted to tell the girl there was no need for the glaring and grabbing, if she wanted Faith she could take her. Please take her. Away. Lock her up in your black limo with the tinted windows and do your stuff forever, as far as Buffy cared.

Still, Buffy was more than a little miffed. Who was this girl? How did she know about Slayers? She was trusting Faith with a lot. Faith hadn't told her a thing accept that she wasn't going to screw her boyfriends anymore. Buffy wished that was all it took to make everything all right.

It wasn't like Faith hadn't let some evil woman into the Slayer world before, and wasn't that evil Watchers name Gwendolyn? What did Faith call that girl? It sounded a lot like... No, that would be too much of a coincidence, even to happen to Buffy. She would have to find out details on Faith's girl later some how. It really pissed her off that she didn't already know. Buffy always tried to include Faith in things. Accept her personal life, and this was Faith's personal life. Then Buffy remembered that today she tried to include Faith in too much into her personal life and that was a disaster.

No! It wasn't her personal life. Spike was not Buffy's personal life. He was strictly her responsibility to save. Still what was she thinking? Suggesting that Spike and Faith have sex? What? She was back to this question again, which didn't seem any easier to answer than what was up with that girl and Faith. A car beeped at Buffy as she almost wondered out into the road. Well, it didn't matter what she was thinking, because they weren't doing it. It wasn't happening. Faith said it wouldn't have worked because it meant nothing. Thank God Faith and Spike actually realized what it would have meant while Buffy was being an idiot. They realized what it meant? It would have meant something to them? Faith said it meant nothing. Then why had they acted that way! Why couldn't they have just had sex and laughed about it? Wait. Was Buffy mad at them for not having sex now? Maybe Spike was right. Maybe she was a controlling bitch.

No! She wanted to save Spike. She also wanted to go on with her life and not get tangled up in him to do it. Allowing…no suggesting that Faith keep Spike solid in any way was a good way to do that. Meanwhile, Spike had totally been tangling in Buffy's life, taking up her time, and she wasn't saving him he was disappearing more often and longer than before, and she suggested an idea that not only no one had done, but that everyone hated her for.

How could she be a controlling bitch when she got nothing she wanted? Why? Why did she keep trying to save Spike's life? She should just let him die and be done with it. Why couldn't she be a believer in the right to die? She was a Slayer after all. Buffy verbalized a few of these thoughts as she fought some freshly rising vampires in the cemetery in St. Peter's Square. She did this alone like in the good old days. Accept there were some good old days when Faith was with her. Those were really really old good old days. They hadn't lasted long. It wasn't like Buffy wanted or needed another "old school" Slayer around to fight with. She was sure she hadn't needed Faith's crap tonight. She had Spike for that, right? Faith couldn't be as hurt as Spike. It was just sex. It's nothing. That's what Faith said herself. Sex was nothing at all to someone like her. She also said Buffy was predictable.

Of course Buffy was predictable. She was tired, so tired. She was through thinking about saving people and their sex lives. For once, she wanted to think about her sex life, which had actually become something that was simple and fun. She was through being predictable. She knew David probably would not be in his penthouse until very late, but she decided to go up anyway. She would take a bath in the Jacuzzi and just hang out. Then, she would surprise him naked and covered with red wine. She definitely hadn't been seeing enough of him lately, and part of the reason was because she was trying to restore the life of her smart-ass ex-lover. David understood. He even found it a little funny, but he was just jealous enough. On top of that he was helping to try to find an answer to save Spike. How awesome is that? He was even a total hottie. He was a good man. Yeah, Buffy knew he did business with demons, but that didn't make him a demon. He just preferred to keep the peace in a different way. Buffy didn't know what gave Spike the right to say anything about it. Doing big business with evil demons had worked for Spike and Angel for a year. Well, with the way things ended it hadn't exactly worked but…

Buffy saw Kreshmir, David's personal assistant in the lobby of his building talking to a pretty Italian woman about how great David was of course. Kreshmir was the nicest demon. Buffy wasn't sure what kind he was. He kind of had some early "Star Wars" fish head thing going on. He'd kind of be like Clem, if Clem had been really sophisticated. But, Buffy was glad he was distracted. Sometimes he was a little jumpy about Buffy going up to David's apartment when he wasn't there, even though David said it was okay. A few times he hadn't let her up at all. It wasn't like Buffy was going to go through David's stuff. Buffy supposed Kresh was just protective of his beloved boss. David had saved him and his family from being slaughtered in Chezikulvakia or was it the Chek Republic now? David told her she should keep up on these things being a leader and he was probably right.

Buffy slipped past Kresh as he was telling the story about David and Michael Angelo again. After all the crap Buffy heard tonight coming from people this would be a great story to hear again. But, Buffy was really tired of all the blah blah blahs from everyone. She just wanted to slip into David's bed with the awesome sheets and wait for him.

Buffy was already smiling as she slipped in the key to David's apartment. She loved the scene the minute she came in. There were candles lit everywhere. There were also red lacey things thrown over the lamp shades. Buffy thought that was a bit over the top, but she'd forgive him for knowing that she was coming. Buffy could hear him in his bathroom bumping around. Actually, there was quite a lot of bumping. Oh God! David was being attacked by a demon. Buffy raced to the bedroom door which was locked, so she kicked it open. Then, after kicking in the very strong door that was probably built for demon attacks, Buffy was at the bathroom door.

Apparently, the demon hadn't heard the kicking or they were still locked in too much of a struggle to come check it out. She decided to wait for a moment, and see if she could get a sense of what was going on and get a drop on this demon and to see if David was okay. Maybe he wasn't even in there and this thing broke into his place. It was supposed to be some kind of a fortress, but Buffy realized just how easily she got in here. Buffy really hoped David wasn't in there as the bumping was starting t o sound kind of funny. He was in there. Buffy heard him say something faintly in Italian. The bumping really sounded funny and not ha-ha funny.

Buffy thought she heard a child laugh and then she heard the sound of splashing water.

"Oh little playmate," she heard a voice sing, "She's here. Slide down your door. You won't be jolly friends for evermore."

"What?" David gasped loudly at the same time Buffy's head was asking the same thing.

She wasn't quite sure if she heard that right. She was hearing it through a door and she thought it sounded like a kid. Now she heard a lot of scrambling. Buffy didn't want to think anymore as she kicked in the bathroom door.

"Buffy!" David cried as he was rapped in a towel all glistening wet.

He would have looked like the perfect movie scene where you see the hot tortured hero get out of the tub. Except this was a different kind of scene all together. A girl began laughing. It was definitely a full grown woman that was laughing and thought this was funny. Buffy went to push forward into the bathroom when David grabbed her by her arms to hold her back.

"Dovete andare immediatamente! Avete saputo che la mia ragazza, il mio san uno stava venendo! Se persino persino ponete i vostri occhi sul mio amore non otterrete che cosa desiderate da me. Siete una ragazza difettosa! Dovete andare immediatamente!" he turned his head towards the back of the huge bathroom and shouted to where he didn't want Buffy to see.

It was the angriest Buffy had ever heard him sound, and it was pretty damn angry, but he'd see real anger in a second.

Buffy heard more giggling and splashing coming for the back of the bathroom bouncing off the beautiful pink and black tile work. Buffy pushed forward as hard as she could and David was still able to hold her back.

"You don't want to see this, Amore," he said straining to hold her back.

"No, I don't, but you made it so I have to," she said.

"No, you don't," he insisted as he held her arms.

"So, it seems like you've been hiding a few things. How strong you really are," Buffy grunted and pushed forward and then she kicked David in the face, "And how weak you really are."

David landed on his back sprawled out naked on the tile. Buffy didn't bother to look as she stepped into the bathroom. What the…? The girl was gone. Buffy considered the possibility that David had been cheating on her with a ghost. It wasn't like it couldn't happen. Then she saw the window open and the gossamer curtains blowing back in the night air. She saw some clothes-- a velvety dress crumpled up on the tile with a really elaborate push it all up bra but no underwear. There was no way some girl could have climbed out the window in her underwear. She'd be freezing on the penthouse fire escape. Buffy stuck her head out of the bathroom window. She saw nothing.

"Hello?" she called, "You can have him, giggle skank and your clothes."

Buffy brought her head back into the luxurious bathroom that she was supposed to be hot-tubbing in right now, damn it! Instead she was glaring at David.

"I guess she only speaks Italian? I understood 'go now' and 'bad girl'. I didn't get the rest, not that I have to," Buffy said.

"I told her she wasn't worthy to look at you," he said, "I called her a warped girl, and she is. Bad girl is 'ragazza cattiva,' remember? Wasn't it fun when I taught you that?"

He actually had the balls to be smiling at her. She glared at him and looked away.

"Tell her to come back in. As much as I'd love her to freeze I'm not into hurting people," Buffy said.

She moved the glass of red wine off the window sill and saw how it moved too slowly and clung to the glass. It was blood.

"Actually," Buffy said, "Tell her to come back in here. I'm not into hurting people, but I'm so into killing her. A vampire, David. A fucking vampire! "

She rose and almost brought herself to hit him but she couldn't quite do it. She didn't want to have some brawl with him and his nakedness. It really wasn't worth it. She just wanted to leave.

"Don't worry," David said, "She's long gone. She won't bother you."

"She's already bothered me as much as possible, and I'm the one who's long gone. Everyone's telling me not to worry, and you know what? I won't. I should just go off and have a good time and not care about anything. That's what you all do, right?"

Buffy really wished she wasn't crying or sitting on the tub. She wished she was long gone like she said.

"But that isn't your way," he said, "You can't do that. That's why I love you so."

He was slowly approaching her.

"You better not think of touching me ever again!" she yelled, "How can you say you love me after you've done this? You lied to me. You hurt me. You fucked an evil soulless thing instead of me, because I wasn't enough. I gave you all I could. I gave everybody all I could. My life is supposed to finally be getting better and then you go and…"

"You don't understand. I do love you. You are more than enough. You give everyone more than they could ever ask for. You are perfect. Tonight, what I was doing, it had nothing to do with how happy, how satisfied I am with you," he said.

She noticed that hurt was coming around the edges of his eyes that looked so sincere. She'd never seen him look like that before. His eyes were so beautiful Buffy found she didn't actually mind that they were looking at her with that hurt. He said that she was more than enough; that she was perfect and he was happy. These were rare things coming out of the mouth of a guy that said he loved her. The last guy that she made perfectly happy did a lot worse than screw a vampire. But, if all of what he said was true, why would he do this?

"Tonight was just something that had to happen. You've been working so hard these days for those girls, and now that vampire---"

"That's what this is all about! Spike! You're jealous, and instead of admitting it, and talking about it, you decide to be all smooth and perfect and take it out on me in a way that you thought I'd never see," Buffy said.

This was reminding her too much of Riley. Xander had said that the Riley thing had been her fault. She was going to give Riley another chance.

"You couldn't be more wrong. I'm not jealous, as long as the vampire knows his place, and you seem good at keeping him there. You are right in a way that tonight was about…" his voice trailed off Buffy noticed he was smiling again.

Except this was nothing like Riley. Buffy actually found that she could smile back at him. David wasn't saying that he did this because of something she did. He was taking responsibility for it. Well, he wasn't exactly saying what he did was wrong.

"There are some things, amore, that people like me have to do in this life in order to keep things going, or else my world would stop, you know? We really aren't that different. You have to do the things you have to do too. You know you can't let that vampire die without trying to help him and I—"

"Oh my god!" Buffy rose from the edge of the tub, "You are not comparing me trying to save Spike's life with you cheating on me with a vampire. You are not! I'm trying to save a life and you are fucking a dead thing because you have to. For what?"

Buffy felt like an idiot for the millionth time tonight. She should just barricade herself up in her apartment and stay away from all people. It was too bad that if she did that people would probably die from demon attacks.

"Have I done anything that you haven't done?" he asked coyly.

"Yes!" Buffy said, "You cheated on me…with a vampire. You did, right? I mean that wasn't you drinking blood. You don't do that, do you? I thought I knew what you did but…It doesn't matter. I may have slept with my share of vampires but—"

"I have been alive for a long time, amore, and I know there had to be a night or two when you slipped with the vampire, and that's all right, because I love you."

"There was no night I slipped with---How can you even think that? How can you even accuse—"

"Amore, please. I'm not accusing. As I said, alive for a long time here. I know the power of lust in a desperate situation," he said giving her humoring eyes.

"I kissed him," Buffy said and then bit her lower lip, "But then, I stopped and I promised myself I wouldn't do it again."

"Ah, so young, Amore," he laughed.

"This is all funny to you?" Buffy demanded, "You want me to sleep with Spike so you can go off and screw dead whores?"

"It's not about what I want," he said with a bit of seriousness coming into his face, "It's about what I understand. I know that you think that it is your flesh that keeps him in this world. I understand if you have to give him a bit of it every now and then. That is what tonight was all about with that girl, so now you see. It's all okay. It all meant nothing."

"You thought I was sleeping with Spike to save his life," Buffy gasped, "So, you went to someone for comfort. Oh, David!"

She actually reached out and touched his cheek. He tried to take that opportunity to pull her into a kiss, but she pulled away. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet. David should have trusted her. She could understand why he would think she would do anything to save a life. She understood how awkward it was to ask him for help to save Spike, and yet he was doing it. But, when it came to the two of them he should have known that the rules were different. She had screwed up and kissed Spike, but it had stopped there.

"No, it wasn't about comfort. It was about what I needed to do. If a meaningless yet pleasurable act will make things right, what's to lose? You slept with the vampire when he was evil," David said, "You are the best Slayer in history because you know how to affect the others around you. There was an opportunity to make him a very powerful ally and you---"

"What?" Buffy couldn't believe that she could actually get more shocked, "You think I prostituted myself to Spike so he'd help me fight the mission! I didn't sleep with him to get his help. I slept with him because---because---he made me feel something."

"But it didn't mean anything to you," he said, "It was just for the pleasure of it and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all, especially when the end result probably kept the world turning, no?"

No! No! Buffy just stood frozen studying this man's face who she'd been with for half a year. What was he saying? Who the fuck was he? She realized she'd so much rather have the other people in her life looking at her with hurt eyes, instead of these pleasant ones. She'd so much rather have someone yelling at her and telling her she was being a hypocrite than to say these things he was saying in the way he was saying them. Like it all meant nothing at all. No one had ever made her feel so horrible.

"It wasn't to keep the world turning and it meant---it meant something," Buffy said desperately as tears sprang into her eyes.

For some reason it was the sudden thought of Faith that made her cry. Faith, grabbing a hold of that beautiful but totally shady girl that would probably just fuck her over. Faith, giving her a kiss on top of her head after Buffy tried to get her to sleep with Spike. Faith would pretend all of this meant nothing, but it couldn't be true. If it all meant nothing Faith would have slept with Spike. If it meant nothing she wouldn't be reaching out and grabbing to touch people all the time. How could Buffy do that to Faith? What was she thinking? Yes, this wasn't the first time she was asking herself this, but this time felt the worst.

"But you told me yourself that when you were with the vampire when he was soulless it meant nothing to you. You told me you valued him after you were able to change him into a worthy man. It's okay for things to mean nothing sometimes, amore."

"No!" Buffy cried now.

Why was he saying such awful things? She looked at him and she saw that he had true concern for her tears. The thing was, unlike Spike, he had no idea he was saying awful things to her. Spike! She cried more when she was just about to stop. Buffy wasn't the one who changed Spike into a good man. At least not the way David was saying it, like she put a secret chip in his head or something. Buffy never thought Spike was worthless when she was sleeping with him, did she? She said it meant nothing, but it didn't mean _nothing._

"Maybe it didn't mean everything, but it never meant nothing!" Buffy said.

"Don't cry amore. Trust me when I say this vampire truly meant nothing to me," he said, "I knew you wouldn't like knowing about this, but if I knew it would break your heart so…I won't have anymore affairs like this since they hurt you so much."

"Affairs, plural. Was there an 's' on the end of that?" Buffy demanded, but she found that she didn't care as much as she thought.

Her pain was coming from somewhere else. Some place deeper she couldn't name that was beyond all this boyfriend shit. She was in a place where she wished she was dead again, and it had nothing to do with this guy, and everything to do with her.

"I know it's hard for you to understand someone like me at times, and that's why I love you. You must believe I love you. You must believe that tonight with that crazy cow meant nothing," he said.

"It doesn't matter what I believe," Buffy said, "I could never love someone like you."

"Just give me a chance. If you want me to go away I still will," the guy said.

"How can you expect that? I never thought you were coming back. You just left me here," the girl said way too dramatically.

Over acting much?

"Please, Sarah…" the guy said.

Please was right. This had to be the dumbest movie ever, but it was the only thing on in English Buffy hadn't seen. What was it with Italians and slasher movies? This town was way stupider than Sunnydale. There was a deranged minor that hated Valentine's day because he was trapped under a mine during a Valentine's dance. So, what do the people do? They have a Valentine's dance in the mine of course. At least in that other Valentine's day slasher movie the killer had been a hottie. Well, the inane stupidity was getting Buffy's mind off of things. It wasn't like she could do a thing about any of the things that were bothering her. Except think about them at nausea which she wasn't going to do.

Girls on their patrolling schedules—check. Funds and fund raising in order despite the personal disaster she had with one of her biggest financial backers—check.

David had long agreed that he would keep funding and/or helping Slayer Corp. despite anything personal that happened between him and Buffy. He had even signed a contract stating this when he asked Buffy out the first time. At the time she thought it was ridiculous, now not so much. Was this how her life was going to be? Was she the kind of woman that needed dating pre-nups?

All big bads under control—check. All girls and Scoobies out of mortal peril—check.

Yeah, the girls and her family were okay, but so much for the people in between. Buffy caught Faith bringing that Gwen girl around the Slayers, and yes, the girl's name was Gwen, just like Faith's old evil Watcher. Well, she didn't exactly catch Faith bringing her around because she never told Faith she couldn't do it, and it wasn't like Faith was sneaky about it. They were pretty much jointed at the hip.

While Faith wasn't sneaky, Gwen was still really shady as far as Buffy was concerned. She had Giles do a full search on her and he came up with virtually nothing accept for someone saying that she looked somewhat like a girl rumored to be an international spy named Lisa. Buffy had even tried to go through Gwen's stuff once, but Gwen at caught her! Giles told Buffy that there was no reason to assume Gwen was bad because she was "saucy." If it wouldn't make Buffy throw up she'd think Giles was letting his testosterone trust Gwen. So…Buffy had to come up with some new rules and regulations on when and how and who the Slayer's should reveal their Slayerness too. Leave it to Faith to force Buffy to have to come up with stupid rules.

The only good thing about Gwen was that Kennedy didn't seem to like her either. Buffy wished she didn't think that was a good thing, because it really wasn't. Kennedy may be a difficult Slayer. She was like a Faith jr. with a college diploma who never went crazy and started killing people, but she was also Willow's girlfriend. If Kennedy wasn't happy Willow wasn't happy and Buffy really wanted a happy Willow.

Willow might not be happy anyway because of the other thing that had happened the past few days. Or the thing that hadn't happened the past few days, which was Spike. Leave it to poor Will to feel responsible to not find the perfect spell to save the life of a mean century old ghost boy. His ghosty-ness had disappeared sometime he and Buffy had their same scripted fight. Dawn said she thought she saw him in her room saying good bye to her, but she thought it had been a dream. It had taken Buffy forever to get that out of her sister. She thought Dawn had been mad because of the Buffy's Spike and Faith having sex idea, and Buffy never got why Dawn was so mad about that in the first place.

But Buffy realized it had been wrong—very wrong for her to suggest that idea, even though it was only a suggestion. She couldn't put into words just why it was so wrong, but after her last night with David she knew it was. With her luck Spike will have vanished and she'll never get to say any of this to him…and in some ways maybe that would really be luck because how well could that whole conversation go.

Slayer, you've really turned out to be a piece of work. I know I was your slave, but to be a whore, just so you could feel better about yourself.

Of course, Faith seemed to be in her face all the time and Buffy never even attempted to say anything about the sex suggestion. She could see Faith gloating and saying more insulting things, or blowing it off and yet saying more insulting things. Why bother apologizing to her if she was just going to react the same way whether Buffy apologized or not? Faith didn't seem any worse for wear. She was on to her new toy Gwen and she didn't seem to miss Spike at all. Not that Buffy brought Spike up around Faith. Faith would probably just remind Buffy how Spike got what he wanted and died, and shouldn't they have a party for him.

But Spike wasn't gone, he was not dead. He couldn't be. He wouldn't end things like that with Buffy, not like that. He'd find away to come through, to get back to at least end things well, wouldn't he? Yes, Buffy had been very angry at him. She had told him that the quest to save his life was over, that he got what he wanted. But, he couldn't think that was true. He couldn't think that she'd give up on him like that, unless he thought she had become some horrible person.

Yeah, Slayer. Why would I think you'd do something just because you said it? I'd be a bloody fool.

So what if she was a horrible person! Why would he just give up like that, decide to stop living just because of her? It wasn't fair!

Guess what Slayer some things, like a man's death, have nothing to do with you, and that just kills you, doesn't it? Did it ever occur to you that I'm really dead? That I can't get back to you. Bloody hell just let me rest in peace!

"Stop it!" the girl on the TV yelled and smacked the other girl, "Can't you see he's dead? Now get up. C'mon we have to go!"

The blonde was leading the blubbering brunette out of the mine as she didn't want to lead her pick axed boyfriend behind.

"We're gonna make it!" the blonde yelled, "You're gonna make it!"

Buffy wished she would shut-up. She was more annoying than the hysterical screaming girl. Then, a guy in a minor suit jumped out in front of them and they screamed. God! Why was Buffy watching this crap? She had hundreds of DVDs. What could she go for? Something stupid, but not like this slasher stuff too much like real life. Maybe something from the Ringwald/ John Hughes collection, now there was surrealism. No, that had too many men, and she couldn't stand to see Ducky not hook up with the girl of his dreams one more time. Thelma and Louise, no that had the whole- let's-go-down-together-theme, depressing. "Under the Tuscan Sun," was she kidding? Okay, she had to do something, the mining men were still popping up and the girls were still screaming.

Then all of a sudden she was one of those screaming girls with a man popping up out of nowhere. Well, it was only a little yelp.

"Where have you been?" Buffy demanded as she looked at the typical frown/grin on Spike's face when he reappeared like this.

"Would you believe me if I said I went out to get fags," he sighed.

If Faith were here that would become another gay joke. Thank God Faith wasn't here, even though Buffy was standing frozen by her oak cabinet with some stupid movie with an Italian lover in her hand.

"God, what are you watching? They could at least try to make the blood look real," Spike said.

He was good at the whole pointless conversation thing when he wanted to be.

"I guess that's a dumb question, huh?" Buffy sighed ready to face the truth, "That's the longest you've been gone. Are you starting to remember where you go?"

"I remembered this time," he said sitting on her crème couch putting his hands on his black denim knees.

"Please tell me it wasn't Hell," Buffy said softly.

"Pretty much, I was in England in a hole. Awful weather this time of year and the company wasn't much better," he said.

"Oh thank God," she said, "I'm so glad you're back I really thought---Wait. You went to England! I think you're gone, maybe forever, and you're in England drinking in some pub? You should have gone to work at the Wolfram and Hart there, since that's what you like to do when I think your dead."

"I don't think they'd hire me with our past history and I never worked for---Look, I was in Nowhere Land for about a day's time. Then, I decided to take my reappearing disappearing self to the mother country. Since, the last time we talked you didn't exactly—"

"I know what I said, and it was wrong," Buffy said," But, I think you're wrong too, Spike, wrong to give up. You have to be here for a reason."

"I'm not---"

"I don't want to here it," Buffy said, "So sometimes I can be a little…over-focused on the big picture. I know and I don't think about how other people might feel when I see a way to fix a problem. But, it's not because I don't care about their feelings it's because I want to do what's best in the end for everyone. Of course I know that you have the right to make your own choices, you have a right to decide how you want to save yourself and with who, and if you want to save yourself. I'd never get in the way of that. If that's what it seemed like I was doing it wasn't. I wasn't trying to use you to save yourself or anyone—I wasn't trying to hurt---"

"Are you apologizing to me?" he asked with his forehead totally wrinkled up in knots.

"Yes Spike," Buffy said," Enjoy it. I'm saying you were right and I was wrong. You got a gold star, while I have to stay in at recess. You won the beauty pageant while everyone talks about how flat I looked in my bikini during the swimsuit competition. You're the home coming queen, while I'm the dateless nobody in the corner."

"Okay, stop," he said seriously, "as much as I'm enjoying these metaphors where I have stars and attractive bosoms, it's not about whose on top because that would always be you, as long as we're in keeping with just the metaphors anyway. Buffy, it doesn't matter if you made a mistake; everyone's allowed to do that especially you. What matters is that you are a glowing wonderful woman that always tries her damnedest to do what's right."

"How can that be all that matters if I make a mistake and everything gets even more screwed up and people I love die?" she pleaded.

Great she was pleading to him, about what? What could he do? She realized how ridiculous and bratty she was being. You stop that dying right now, Spike. She realized how stupid she had been through this all along, and that was probably why he didn't come back here in the first place.

"Because that's the way it bloody is, Buffy. Things go really wonky and then straight to hell sometimes. No matter how well you play the game people are going to get hurt and die. It's one of those bloody awful things real people have to do no matter what and it's not your responsibility or anyone else's to stop."

"But don't real people have to at least try?" she did more pointless pleading; "Even if they can't stop it at least they should try to put it off or make it better or do something."

"I suppose real people can try to do anything they like. As long as it's not entering some pageant with a swimsuit contest or a homecoming queen prize, I mean, what kind of pointless prattle is that? But who am I to say? Not exactly a real person here with the whole temperamental ghost thing going on."

"You've been the realest person to me these last couple of days," Buffy said in her not crying strong voice now.

All of what he had said actually made her smile. She was sitting across from him on the crème couch, and then he started to get that look on his face. The strong but needy look, like he wanted her to do much more than say nice things about him. She wished he wouldn't do that. Couldn't he see she wasn't able to save him like he wanted?

"I mean, you know, you've been the most honest," she said quickly as she looked away and then got off the couch, "Not that you've had a lot of competition. Between my encounters with Faith and David, oh and let's not forget Faith's new bitchily enigmatic girlfriend that seems to know all about me, not to mention all Slayers, I feel like I've run the triathlon of mind games. At least when you play mind games with me it's a straightforward boxing match."

"Did you just say that perfect sculpture of a man is playing mind games with you? Davy Crocket, Mr. Immortal, isn't treating you right?" he asked plainly.

"Yeah, Davy Crocket. Hmm, maybe he is the real king of the wild frontier," Buffy quipped, then she frowned and looked back at Spike, "Wow, maybe he is the real king of…Anyway, you caught that, huh? I thought I would throw in all that other stuff about Faith and Faith having this new mean sexy girlfriend and that would distract you. So you wouldn't gloat over the millionth bad boyfriend choice."

"See now, you never said the Slayer's new pet was sexy, just bitchy and mysterious. A doxy bint will raise anyone's eyebrow, but I'm through with the mysterious lot. That's your thing," he told her, "I always figured I was too forthright with you, I should've used more smoke and mirrors."

"The disappearing ghost going-off-this-plane-or-to-England-thing you're doing now totally gets mysterious points, you know?" she felt herself grinning flirtatiously.

"But, I'm totally through with mysterious too," she reassured him and turned away,  
"Totally through. The next guy I have, which will be about a million years from now, I want to know where he is at all times and what he's doing and who he's with and if their alive and—"

"So, he cheated on you with a vampire, did he?"

Buffy whipped her head around to him quickly to see a perfect mixture of a smug-sympathy grin. He wasn't gloating, even though he figured it all out.

"Can you believe it? I mean he's supposed to be the ultimate hero!" Buffy groaned and collapsed back on the couch with drama like Spike was her long lost high school girlfriend.

She hadn't talked to anyone about what actually happened between her and David. It was all too humiliating.

"Yeah, I mean it's been known to happen, ultimate hero's going for that cold blooded thing for the rush. Though I don't think that the old boy was the ultimate hero between the two of you. I know him to be the cold blooded one."

"You wouldn't be the first to say that about him, you know? I know he has a lot of good in him, I mean, all I saw was the good in him," Buffy sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

She hadn't even tried to put her head around all of the David thing yet. There was too much going on as usual and she hoped there'd be too much going on for the next 40 or 50 years.

"He has all this power, and he really spends most of it doing what he can to rescue kids and puppies. I know he makes deals with demons from time to time, but who hasn't? " Buffy insisted and she found Spike wasn't arguing, "But, the way he was using his power the last time I saw him. It's a place I don't ever want to go. The scary thing was he almost convinced me it was all okay. The cheating, the way he sees things, does things, I could almost believe it was all okay. I was so close. I have to be careful. It's cliché but I'm weak around men."

"That's bullocks!" Spike grumbled and Buffy braced herself for the worst kind of attack.

It wasn't like she didn't deserve it. She had been stupid and weak again.

"You're never weak, at least not like that, and that's where it counts. The Immortal maybe the ultimate charmer, but he goes to bed with demons and you'd never do that, not ever!"

"Um hello?" Buffy snorted as she felt her eyes widen in surprise, "Did you get brain damage in your last fade away or are you trying to be funny?"

"I thought you'd realize we'd gone back to metaphor. Keep up," Spike said, "You tried your hardest through everything to do right by everyone except maybe yourself. You'd never do something to gain more power just to have it, even though you know that you'd probably wield it better than anyone."

"Would I? Would I really? There are a lot of things I haven't done right, I'm mean to people sometimes just because I can be," Buffy had to pause to hold in a sob and she hated it, "Because they forget I'm the Slayer, at least David is never mean to anyone without a real reason."

"You're not mean," he said.

"You're just saying that----to make me feel--- better," she sobbed.

This was nothing compared to how she had cried over the cheating. What she had done to Spike and Faith by suggesting what she had, she really had no intention of it being cruel, but maybe deep down in some way she had. Was she trying to ruin whatever it was that was between Faith and Spike? And the things she had said to both of them after, and the way she had wished them away, and the way they had both went away in their different ways. Faith with that girl that was probably going to cause her trouble, and Spike, Spike had just been gone. Then every mean thing she had ever done seemed to pour into her mind. Why had she started that rumor that Missy Bell smelled in fifth grade? It was because she thought Ford might like her.

"Well," Spike asked as Buffy sat in tears, "Is it working?"

Buffy laughed and cried at once.

"Look," he said, "You may come of as a bit controlling at times, but that's only because you care. It doesn't matter how much you like to gripe about getting the short end of the stick because you always help. You truly want to help for the sake of helping no matter where that leaves you. That's a glowing goodness you can't buy or sell or shag to get."

She just turned to him and looked straight into his eyes. Very solid, very blue. He had his resolve face that may not be as cute as Willow's but it was a lot damn sexier.

"All that being said though," he said a bit too loudly after the silence, "You have bloody tragic taste in men."

"As long as we're stating the obvious I just want to come out and say that when you're solid you are a real man," Buffy decided to say.

"Yeah," he said, "That's stating the obvious with some subtle sexual overtones."

"No, I mean, when you become corporeal when you're touching me or Dawn. Or Faith. You're human," she said.

"You noticed that did you?" he grinned a little sheepishly, "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing for one. I mean if I'm not a vampire what am I?" he asked looking straight at her face as he ran his hand over his bleached blond hair.

"You're a man," Buffy answered, "God, Spike, don't you know that? You may have been a vampire forever, but for a long while now you've been a good strong man."

"Yeah, I'm still strong, bloody well strong. Sometimes I think I may even be a bit stronger, or maybe that's just wishful thinking... Not that it matters in the least," he sighed.

"Because you really think your dying," she found her voice was trying to run away, "You don't want to die you just don't think there's anything we can do."

"Well, there's that," he rolled his eyes as if dying was really inconvenient, "and there's the fact that you don't want a man, not one that's really human... You like a bit of a monster in there."

"I think you're right in a way," she sighed, "I think I like them a little bad, but I definitely want a real man and I need him to be someone stronger than hell."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll find someone like that," he said.

"You mean someone like you," she said.

"Yeah, I mean as long as it's no one from your old lot," he told her, "Forget The Immortal, forget vampires forget---Wait what?"

"Someone like you, that's what I want. Not that I want you, not that I don't want---," she stopped for her mouth to spit out her foot, "I mean I don't want anyone, really. I don't want a relationship. I mean I didn't want a relationship, but if I did it would be with someone like you. "

"I completely understand—"he said something.

"I mean," she laughed, "Of course if I still believed that stupid theory of mine… "

"It was pretty stupid," he said as she couldn't seem to stop laughing, "and even if it did have the slightest chance of working imagine basing a relationship on that. 'How did you two get together?' 'Well you see, if she doesn't shag me blind I become a sodding ghost and disappear, so it was all very convenient' "

"That would be the worst," she laughed.

"We'd be right back where we started," he said.

"With the ever present threat of you disappearing forever, to really add to the doom," she added.

"As if the doom needed any adding with us," he said.

"With our luck I'd be wrong and us getting together would kill you," she said

"Oh no, it couldn't be that simple, it would kill us both and take out Vatican City here so we'd have a bit a' extra karma to work off," he said.

Buffy cackled and grabbed her stomach and then she stopped.

"At least we're smart enough to realize that now," she said.

"This isn't a good idea," she said.

She was climbing him, riding him, no not yet she wanted to be riding him though why wasn't she yet? Oh yeah clothes, clothes in the way.

"It's one of your worst," he said in between kissing and breathing, "if you're doing it to try to save my life."

His lips were so…To save his life? Oh, yeah that. God, he could go away soon! Disappear at any minute. No! That couldn't happen. Not when his body was so solid, so solid and giving off such heat, sweat. Sweat that she could taste as her tongue was in his ear. She wouldn't let him go. She gripped on to his back tightly and drank in his mouth and then pulled back to look at him.

"Saving your life would just be gravy," Buffy said, "I want to touch you."

Her hands traveled down his pants. She felt the familiar bulge that was crushing her hand up against the denim as she worked to get room she squeezed a little. He bit his lip and tilted her back by her thighs. She felt a lot of uneven bumpiness up against her back-- her head. Oh yeah, stairs. There were stairs in her place. Her place in Rome where she now lived and was now climbing on her back like an upside-down crab as she hooked her claws and mouth into Spike. Spike.

"Spike?" she whispered, "Is this really happening?"

She ran her hands through his white-blond hair that looked like it was loosing its gelled back look and kinking at the ends.

"God," he said as he gazed at her, "I hope so."

She grabbed his head and pulled him down into a locked kiss. He pulled her embroidered outer-wear camisole over her head and off as he unclasped her bra with his other hand. So his new body or new humanness hadn't affected that skill. He was caressing her breasts- licking them. It was when she started to take off his clothes when she started giggling with moaning.

"Haven't reached the tickle place yet," he whispered almost shyly as she unbuttoned his pants.

"I just don't get how this ghost thing works at all," she said tracing his nipples, "The clothes get ghostified too, but you can take them off, and they feel like normal clothes, just like you feel like normal you. It would almost make more sense to me if you were like Casper with your clothes painted on all permanent."

"Casper didn't have any clothes," Spike said with misery as he looked away and tried to pull away from her.

"I'm sorry you're right," she said, "But don't get mad. I just wasn't as up on that cartoon. Ask me anything about 'Scooby-doo' and I promise I'll get it right."

She rolled them over so she was on top before he could pull any further away. She couldn't believe that they weren't having sex yet. Maybe he was really trying to make the bed this time. Maybe all of this would be harder on his back being human. He looked like he was trying to do that mad face where he stuck out his chin but it was kind of giving up midway and looking sad. What she couldn't make jokes about him being a ghost? Just him and everyone else?

"Spike," she said, "You feel real to me. That's all that matters."

"I AM real when I'm with you. When I'm with you, I'm not a ghost. I'm a man. I thought you said that you could live with that. Not that you'd be living with it for very long, which is prolly why you're so gung ho to do it."

"You think I want you because I can't have you," she stated, leaning back on her heels and biting her lip.

She was so tired of this. Why did she have to prove everything to everybody all the time? She could only be herself.

"And you deserve better than that, Buffy. Better than The bloody Immortal, better than Angel, better than me. You deserve a real man that can and will stick around," he told her as he sat up.

"No," she said smoothing his cheek sitting on him, "David could and would have stuck around. It was easy for him with all his money and people taking care of things. It was easy for me because I never had to do much or prove anything. What I need is a real man that truly wants to stick around above anything else, and who will die trying to do it."

"Buffy, I—"

"And one who can shut-up every once in a while would be good too," she said.

And then kissed him like she was trying to suck the new found breath out of him. She finally got him inside of her with one smooth motion, and it was all a downhill, uphill, exciting, chilling, thrilling ride from there. She thought she might disappear into some kind of pleasure delirium because they reached the high note of just moaning and rocking and held it for so long. She shuddered when he got really bumpy under her and gripped her hips with all his grunting.

They did actually make it to the bed, thanks only to him gently pulling her there. She wanted to ask him if he could feel everything or did everything feel ghosty but her, since Italian sheets were really amazing, but she didn't want to make him ghost grumpy again.

She felt more relaxed about the whole disappearing ghost thing herself. Spike just felt so real and good and even better than the sheets. She mumbled a few jokes about all of that and nibbled at his hipbones before she took him into her mouth. The way he messaged her head while she did it made her have to go another round.

His humanness seemed to soften him a little. She really liked it or maybe it was his soul. They had never gotten grindy with the soul. They had done a lot of cuddling. It occurred to Buffy that this was the first time that they were doing both of these things together. It felt like they had never done these things apart, but it did feel like they had been apart.

"I missed you," Buffy said.

"I thought of you occasionally too," he said and laughed.

"Yeah," Buffy said, "We still got it, and now all we have to worry about is one impending tragedy."

He was pulling away from her too look at her again. Wow, those were some steel blue eyes when they were in the sun. Spike in the sun. She never thought about it. She had thought about it with Angel a million times, dreamed about it, wrote about it in her diary. With Spike she hadn't thought about it once, why would she? And it wasn't really because she hadn't seen herself having grandchildren with him. He was just so comfortable in his vampness and she was pretty comfortable with it too.

"Is it me you miss?" he asked, "Or is it this?"

He circled his fingers inside her and she totally forgot the question.

"Or is it being a player in a tragic farce?"

"Spike, I—"

"Oh forget it," he said and pulled her into him, "I don't care."

She was tired, really tired. The last thing she wanted was to be in a tragic farce, and it was definitely him she missed, well the sex too, but that was part of him. And it didn't matter whether he was a human or a ghost or a vampire or a vampire-ghost or a…whatever. He always loved her. He'd always been Spike, and that was the someone she wanted now. She was finding a way to tell him this when he vanished, very suddenly, with no fading.

"Shit," was all she could say and wait for him to come back.

The thing about being in a tragic farce was that the farce was always on you.


End file.
